the july that has been...

what can i say...this month has been a very tough month...so i guess it i appropriate that i m writting this post today, towards the end of the month...with the hope that august will be better for me...i often pride myself in being willing to try...i have tried many things...failed in many things...but i often dont give up easily, i can try very hard but that does not mean i take everything that comes my way easily. i often take things very hard on myself and really hate when things dont go as i plan...living this life and living on this planet, i cannot believe how i survived 34 years being a person like me...not sure if my ways are right or wrong somehow i survived so far...for the past four weeks, everything that i cant control has been against me...it feels like the WORLD is really going against me...what is the lesson that i am suppose to learn from this...is God teaching me to give up and let go and take things as they come...will i ever be able to do that...

older and not so wise...

people say that you get wiser as you grow old. i dont know about that. the more i think about this, the more puzzled i get...but recently i learnt this very important lesson...people can say all sorts of things...words which seem so sweet and nice but they might not even mean one per cent of it...that is how cheap words are actually...this lesson has come by my life many many times but somehow i guess i refused to accept it...for a person who falls in love with words so easily, this is a hard lesson to learn...a really hard lesson to learn...finally i did. now i am looking at people around me, who dont say that many nice things or make all sorts of promises but who do things for me, i try to look at people's action rather than what they say...i guess just like how some people can be blinded by looks, i can be blinded by words...one of my biggest flaw, i guess...i have learnt my lesson...thanks to the person who finally managed to make me understand...

the place i called home...

I stayed in a house for 25 yrs of my life before moving to the house I am staying right now...can you imagine, quarter century in one house...imagine how attached i would be to that house...today as i was driving pass the old place i realize that it has been transformed into an inn...my old house, an inn...interesting...as i was driving i was thinking who would want to come and stay in this inn...it is a small town, with nothing much to offer for tourist or visitor, it is a wonderful place to stay actually...anyway, the next thought was...i might be the only one who might want to stay there...just to sleep in my old room again and spend another night in a place i call my HOME...

i know why...

i have spent major part of my life trying to figure out why certain events happen in my life...mostly the ones i dont like or unexpected...sometimes i ask God why do u make me go through all these things and make me suffer...many times i have not found answers...but somehow recently God is giving me answers almost immediately...for example, some time back, my friend was talking about this girl who is getting married but giving herself six months to try it out. if it does not work out, she wants to walk out of it...when i first heard, i was very judgmental...how can anyone think like this...then later some events related to arranged marriage happened in my life...i could not believe myself coz i actually told my friend "since everyone wants me to get married, may be i should marry someone stay for 3 months and walk out of it..."..he he he...i realise this arrange marriage thing happened to teach me a lesson about not judging people too fast...everyone has a reason to do things, we might understand them or might never understand them...but may be that is the only choice they see at that particular time in their life...another lesson learnt...

a good cry...

i feel like i need a good cry...i really do...i m so frustrated today after hearing about some rules and regulation...why must things be so hard for me....why must everything be so hard for me...what did i that is so wrong...it really sounds like i m wallowing in self pity but i really dont know what to do or say...