finally ...

from midnite all my friends have been calling me to wish me happy birthday...it is a nice feeling that so many people remembered...so sweet of them to do that...well, now...i m exactly 31 one years old...some people really believe that the time we were born determines our lives...i donno about that...but whatever it is i hope it is good...

31 on 31

today as was going to the bank, a sales person tried to sell me something, so i smiled and told him i m a student...that is one of the easiest excuse i have to deal with sales person. he was rather friendly and asked me how come i not having semester break at this time...i said i still have classes and going back to campus...then he just said enjoy the books, i have been there done that...the first thought that came to mind was hello, u have been done that???? i have been there more and done definately more and more on that... :) sounds very arrogant right...well he looked rather young, so i guessed that he must be a fresh graduate...unlike me...tomorrow i will be 31 and i m still in school...so tired of people asking me what are you doing in school at this age...well, god only knows what i am doing here...lets just hope this year will be a wonderful wonderful year for me...

missing a friend...

today i saw someone, at first glance he really looked like my friend, his clothes, the way he was walking and his glasses made me think that is my friend...the only problem is that i know my friend is in glasgow, so i took a second look. well, that was not my friend...a stranger. seeing this guy made me think about how me and my friend, V became close during our undergraduate years...

well, i got to know V when we were both involved in a project. he is a very friendly person and always surrounded by friends but i am a person who do not say much to people i do not know very well. i only talk a lot among my close friends, other than that i may seem like a very quiet person. so in the begining of this project, of course we never talked much...he later told me that he thought i was a stone when he first met me...and as we were working on the project he realized that i m not so 'stone' after all and that i do talk etc...but by the end of the project, he has become a very good friend of mine...together with another four member of the project team became close and inseparable...

i donno if the other five people still remember the fun we used to have during those years,may be some day i will write about the six of us...but for today i will leave it at this....but i do miss those years and my friends...

taking a break from the world...

last weekend was my friend's wedding...he called me many many times...trust me no one has ever invited me to their wedding like he did. first he emailed me then he called, then he sent his invitation card and finally he sent me sms a few days before the wedding inviting...in a way, i was very touched with the way he called me so many times...anyway since he is a good friend, i really really wanted to go to his wedding but somehow something stopped me...the truth is i am afraid to face the world at the moment, mainly my friends from university...most of them are very successful and happily married with children, in comparison to me, who is struggling to finish my phd...the truth is i dont feel good about myself at this moment, and when i see everyone else being happy and moving on with life i will feel sad...i know this sounds very very stupid and silly but i just cant help it, the feeling is still there...so when another friend of mine asked me, how come i didnt attend the wedding, i told him well, "i am taking a break from the world"...it sounded funny at the time and both of us laughed, so i told him, this will be my next entry in my blog..i wonder if he will read or remember???

"Princess"-like

I have been thinking writting this for about a week i think...finally today i get to write this...the other day, all Pterocarpus indicus (that is the Latin name for Pokok Sena, i donno what this tree is called in English) were in full bloom in my campus, the whole tree full of tiny, tiny yellow flowers, looking so wonderful. I am never good at describing things but the view was breathtaking. As I parked my car to get down and admire these trees, it started drizzling a little with a cool breeze. As the wind was blowing, some of the tiny flowers started falling on me....it was such a wonderful experience and such a 'princess' like moment...

research ...'beholder'

people usually ask me is phd difficult??? my only answer them is... NO it is not difficult...but...it requires a lot of persistence. of course you have to work hard, but then again everything in life requires you to work hard (set aside all those thousands of people who are born with silver spoons)...

when you are doing research, there are days which you have no idea what you are doing or why you are doing it...but the bottom line is that you have to do it...this might really sound crazy to people but that is how research is...learning from you mistakes more than you learning from reading all the thousands of articles you have collected thinking that they are so relevant to ur research but only to realize that those article only has like less than ten lines of what you want...of course this is only my picture about this whole process...as most things in the world are...this also depends on the 'beholder'...

mentor

today i received a mail from my mentor.people say that we sometimes dont realise how important or good someone is when they are near us...in my case this is partially true...not that i never realise how good or kind he is, but not to the extent i feel now. he is one of the most wonderful person i have met and he has been very very supportive in my work. he is one person i really really respect and admire for being the wonderful person he is. God, thank you for allowing me to meet such a person...

sending off...

last night i went to sent off a friend at the airport, it was a festival atmosphere at the airport, there were so many people there to see him off to his home land...it felt very nice that so many people was there to share his sucess, since he is going back home after completing his masters. even though i have heard about Zambia but i have never took the trouble to learn more about the country...i donno y, but only today i surfed the net looking for information on the counry...my friend told me that, some day i should visit his country...ya i guess i will may be when i travel to Africa...i think it is one of the most fascinating part in the world...

friend

yesterday, my friend called me and scolded and said, "why you always complain, complain and complain"...so today i m going to write about something good...i know i complain a lot...but no matter how much i complain there are two things i m always, always grateful about in my life...my family and my friend...and today i want to write about my friends,,,

along the short path of my life, i have a there are many, many people who have helped me go through my tough days and hear my laughter...sometimes i wonder how difficult life would have been if i have not met all these wonderful people in my life...Thank you God for introducing me to all these people...

my theory of relativity...

the only thing i no about einsteins theory of relativity is e=m.c.c but what i m writting today has got nothing to do with einstein. i m a person who goes crazy about bmws. and i can spot a bmw like a mile away, however, the other day as i was having dinner with my friend, we saw this huge, wonderful, black bmw. it really looked so good...was a 7 series, i was really admiring the car and as i was doing that another bmw passed by us, somehow it looked so small and not so wonderful, the fact is it was a 3 series bmw...so i told my friend, princess... in life everything is so relative, when u see something as good as a seven series bmw, three series looks very small and unattractive. the same way, when we think our lives are bad, think about millions of people out there how are having worst times...and when we think we are at the top of the world, just think about millions of people who are doing better, that will really teach us to be normal and accept our little presence on this planet...

queer eye...

last night i was watching "queer eye for the straight guy" and there was a wonderful line said in that programme..." you are fine the way your are". somehow i really like this line coz all my life i have been tired of listening to everyone suggestion (mostly people who do not play any important role of my life) on how i should be or how i should look like or how boring or old fashioned and giving me tonnes and tonnes of "free advice" about how i can look or be better....sometimes i wonder if they had used some of their own " free advice" on themselves...he he he...but somehow i just remained the way i wanted, plus i m just plain stubborn to follow words of people not important in my life... i really do sound so mean, dont i? anyway i really really truly agree that...

"I AM FINE THE WAY I M" and to all those who disagree with me...too badlah...coz what you think does not carry much weight in my life...

anyway, in "queer eye for the straight guy" i really like the way carson's ideas on fashion....

more on laughter, marriage and change...

well, this would sound like an 'obnoxious', self praising text...but then it has made me very happy since yesterday...so i have to write this down to justify my blog name which says that i only few regrets in life... :)...anyway this is how the story goes, yesterday a good friend of mine called me to invite me to his wedding...so after the normal how are you and so on, we were talking how much fun we had during our undergraduate years and all the social programs that we have organized and conducted...so many many things made us laugh our hearts out...as i was laughing my friend just said... u still laugh the same...so i told him that it is trademark laugh, cannot be changed... and he went on saying that "u still have that wonderful laughter, please dont change, always be like this..." call me silly but that somehow made my day...or may be two days...he he he...

people never fail to amaze me...

i spent most of my time in the computer lab for graduate students and of course there are many other students who come to the lab to do their work. some whom i talk to or say hi other i dont...there is this girl who comes to my lab, i got nothing against her but we just dont acknowledge each other but i have seen her many many times in the lab...sometimes she comes in with her boyfriend...i was all ok with this, it never bothered me that we dont talk to each other...the other day i went to the cinema to watch a movie...whiile waiting for the movie, i was went to the nearby food court. i saw her and her boyfriend in the food court having dinner. i was there with a friend, as we were walking in the food court, i saw her and as usual i didnt say hi or anything...to my amazement, she actually smiled and waved at me and she also told her boyfriend that i was there (i could not hear her saying but the guy turned and looked at us) and I am quite sure she was not waving to anyone behind us coz i checked the food court was almost closing so there was not many people there...the funny thing is, her act of acknowledging me actually made me wonder...y today, y not all the other days when i see her in the lab (which can be like more than a year), y all these months it didnt seem important to say hi or talk to me but today... i sincerely dont if she does not say hi to me...the only thing that crosses my mind is that would she have waved if i was walking alone in the food court...i wonder...

kannadhasan...human...

since i was a teenager, i have great fascination for kannadhasan. i knew him as a tamil song lyricts...of course he has writtens books, novels, poem etc but i first fell in love with his songs...there is something about his songs and the way he uses words that capture my heart and still does...everytime i listen to him. even though nowadays i have read some of his books and poem, somehow i still feel that his best works are still his songs...not only that his ability to write beautiful, powerful songs, yet in simple tamil has made him so popular for more than forty years, even after he has left...his songs have been heard in the remotest village in india and around the world..appreciated by anyone who understands tamil...regardless of whether they are literate or not...

But one thing is always in my mind....who is this guy...

he sees patterns, could he be a mathematician,

he sees beauty, could he be an artist,

he describes social issues, could he be a sociologist,

he understands human behavior, could he be a psychologist,

he explains the meaning of life, could he be a philosopher,

the list of things i have thought about this person is endless...i think he has written about every aspect of human life...but then when i read about his life and all mistakes that he has done in his life...i realize he is just a human...just like u and me...

marriage, laughter and change...

i chatted with an old friend today after such a long time. he told me that i still laugh as much as i used to five years ago. according to him, i laugh a bit too much and he has always, always told me not to laugh 'so much'. so today when he said that, i just said

Just me: some things dont change

he as usual disagreed with me and said

Moronic friend: that will change too

Just me: lets see when that happen

after that he comes up with this WONDERFUL statement

Moronic friend: U will change after you get married...

I know people do change after they get married...but why do people always tell me that everything will change after i get married. I have met many many people who have told me things like this...I am so tired of people telling me such things...especially when it is somethings that I hold as very very dear to me...I always felt that my ability to laugh at things and be happy and laugh as much as i do is one of my best qualities and many times helped me go through my life...the world is a funny place...

spurs...another dream...

i started watching english league soccer in 1991, at that time, not many league matches are shown live on malaysian tv. the only thing we get is the weekly highlight and updates of english league soccer...but they did show some of the fa cup matches...road to wembley...i can even remember the music at this moment...i donno how i somehow got hooked up to football...at the time nobody in my home were a great football fan...my favourite player at the time...is of course gary lineker...even though i still felt that barnes, robson and gazza were wonderful players...i also felt the england squad in that era were actually very good. my favourite team??? what else if not SPURS...and to my delight...they won the fa cup that particular year...that was really nice...then in 1992 i went away to do my first degree and starting that year i didnt have much access to television so it was difficult to keep up with whats happening in the world of english football...of course some of the major changes happened after that...the introduction of english premier league, the invincible era of manchester united and so on...spurs didnt have much success after the fa cup victory in 1991. every year i hope they do better but somehow my wishes never came true...i only started following epl again since 2002...and from 2002 until the last season, spurs didnt have much success in the league, but somehow this year it is possible that spurs might finish in seventh place and might even qualify for uefa cup...will that happen this year...we still have a few weeks to go...anyway, i still have one more dream related to spurs...always wanted to get a spurs jersey with my name on it...that would be cool...wonder when i will do that...

waiting and surviving..

yesterday, after reading my post on waiting...my friend called me to tell me something important..."dumbo, terminal is not only about waiting but also about surviving...and making the best out of whatever situation you are in"...ya i guess that is what the movie is about and that is what life is about...sometimes i wonder if i can do like that...can i really make the best out of whatever situation i am in...or do i just make it worst by complaing and complaing and complaining (i no how much my friends suffer listening to my sad stories)...well i donno but may be i will try this out again...

well, talking about movies, another movie that i consider one of the best movie of all time (even though i do not have the authority to say that) is life is beautiful...such a beautiful movie...

what a waiting

what a waiting, what a waiting...little birds tell my darling...love is nothing but a game of waiting...lyrics of a 70s tamil song...but today i realise not only love but many many things in life are a game of waiting...i remember watching 'terminal'...the whole concept behind the movie is the idea of waiting...especially when u want something so badly...it is ok to wait....

rainbows

yesterday as i was sitting in my car, waiting for my brother i was just looking at the sky...the weather was not very hot, rather cloudy actually...i donno why but as i was looking at the sky i wished i would see a rainbow...but then i didnt...i donno what is it about me and rainbows...something about rainbows makes me very happy...give me hope when i feel really down and at times are then songs, rainbow has the 'power' to brighten up my whole life...what is it about rainbows??? the colours, the unpredictablity or the myth about the gold at the end of the rainbow...the most meaningful rainbow i saw was when i was driving around in my hometown with my friend, the most beautiful rainbow i saw was along the highway as i was going back home...it was a semi circle and the last time i saw a rainbow was a few months ago, with the sea as the background...i was standing at my balcony...such a wonderful sight...will i see one today...i really wish i do...