reading...listening...

I went to temple yesterday. It is Kandha Sashti. After the usual pooja, everyone recited Kandha Sasthi Kavasam. I just sat there listening to everyone reciting. After that, they usually have the reading of Kandha Puranam. Before this I usually dont wait to listen to that. Yesterday, somehow, I was still there when they read Kandha Puranam. Not many people were listening to the priest who was reading it. Everyone was busy praying or taking prasadam. It has been a long time since I actually listened to something like that. When I was younger I used to really enjoy listening to people reading or listening to stories or play broadcast on the radio. I guess many people dont realize this, but I think it is a skill to concentrate and listen to something as people are reading it. A skill that I have almost forgotten I had. It realy made me think, are there any clubs here where they read stories or mahabaratam or whatever and I would be able to sit and just enjoy what is being read...I wouldnt mind joining a club like that...I wonder....

my life...

i had a very bad week last week. i had arguments with almost everyone who was close to me. sometimes i wonder what is wrong with me. according to one of my friend, i have too much expectation on everything and everyone. i tried my best to think objectively about this. I really donno if that is true...may be i do, may be i dont...but the only thing i realise is i dont want something like this to happen again. i dont want to argue and end up being upset and sad or feeling like leaving everyone and everything i know...

is that my life...

I met an old lady at the cafetaria yesterday. She sat at my table and asked me if I know any vacant room because she wants to rent a room. Well, I told her that I dont really know but in my mind I was wondering why is she looking for a room. Furthermore she is like 60+. So I asked her if the room is for her. She said yes and told me that she is alone and needs a place to stay. She told me that she is working in the university to support herself and needs a place that is near to the university. When she said that, I started wondering...is this a sign...is this how my life would be when I am 60+...all alone, staying alone, working to support myself...that made me a bit scared and sad actually...I continued eating...she continued eating...

Later she told me more about her life. Of course I do not know if what she said is true but this is what she told me. She has five children. All of them are married but none wants to take care of her or give her financial support so she has support herself...I felt sad for her but I realise something. Basically, there is not guarantee in anything. People often say that I should get married and have children otherwise I would end up alone...Well, when I really think about it, I would rather be alone and end up alone then be married and have children and still end up alone...life is a matter of how you make sense of it...

a weekend in singapore...

well, after many many years i went out of malaysia for the first time last weekend. how did i feel...well a bit of everything but mainly excited, I am going to see two friends who i have not seen for more than a year...wow that sounds like a long time. well, while i was there i went for the Cartier's exhibition and it was really wonderful...i was so amazed that i can hardly find words to describe the jewellery and watches displayed. I really enjoyed that... we also went to a resoirvoir, I cant remember the name of the place, but i kind of like that place. it was very cool n nice and while we were walking it started raining...he he he...the place was really nice when it was raining, kind of romantic actually...we ate at one restaurant in little india and went shopping and walking and talking... i guess what i enjoyed the most is the conversation i had with my friends, some long some short but they were good...