people i have met...

sometimes we meet some people in our lives and we wonder why do we have to meet them...usually because this person would have affected our lives one way or another...i met a person like that early this year...this friendship/relationship (or whatever ship it is/was) didnt last that long...sort of ended in 6 months...but somehow this person has made a big impact in my life...and the funny thing is for once i know exactly why i had to meet him and his purpose in my life...

a child...

i was talking to a friend of mine recently...as usual we were talking about many things from politics to terrorism to everything under the sky. in the midst of the conversation she started talking about her nephew, a six year old boy. I have seen him, he is chubby and cute, well at least that is what i thought...then she told me what happened recently...this boy who is six years old was actually telling his mom that he wants to reduce eating rice so that he can fit into his favorite pants... i was really shocked to hear that...i thought we hear things like this from teenagers or adults but i never expected to hear this from a child...that got me thinking...i know the world is at the moment crazy about being thin, at least the world i live in...has it gone to the stage that it is affecting a child now??? where does this child get this idea, i can only think of a few things...his family, tv, friends...to me this is scary. i already think that the craze to be thin is bad. i understand that many people try to be thin for health reason which is ok but many even those who are thin fantasize about being almost 'anorexic', this is what i think is bad or dangerous...

13 yrs of my life...

i went to a 21st birthday party today...that got me thinking about how mine was...well there was no fireworks or even a party but i know i was in India with my whole family...meaning every single family member was under one roof...something which does not happen very often in my life...it was 8 days before my brother's wedding...

what was i thinking at the time? how i was at the time? well definately more hopeful thinking that my whole life was ahead of me...having all the normal dreams about love, family, work, education everything...

now 13 years after that...am just thinking am i the same person that i was then...well some things remained the same...i m still the dreamer i was at 21, or may 16 for that matter...what else happened in this 13 years...hmmm...many things some good and some not so good...well in random order...got my first car, got my phd, found a few wonderful friends, started working, maintained a wonderful relationship for 10 yrs before it ended, visited white hart lane, walked along thames river, seen the first olympic stadium, stood in the same place as gladiators. the only thing missing in my list is getting married and having children...things which people often remind me as my biggest failure...may be it is...but i am glad i have had this 13 years...Thank you God...

Interesting people...

Today I thought of writting about all the interesting people I have meet/seen... Well, most recently I had the opportunity to listen to former Indian President of India, Abdul Kalam. I thought that was cool coz I have heard so much about him and read his books and speeches, so a chance of seeing him in person and listening to his speeches was very exciting for me.

Last year I had the opportunity to listen to a speech by Mohammad Yunos, the noble peace prize winner...that was also awesome, coz hello it is not like i meet a noble prize winner everyday...and as he was delivering his speech i could imagine how many lives he must have touched with his idea about Grameen Bank.

an sms...

i like this sms which my friend sent sometime ago, so i decided to post it here... i hope he does not mind that i m posting it here...

Where does the breeze that cools and moves our soul come from?
Is it from a far away place or somewhere beyond the hills?
Can we make the soothing sensation last?
It hits us wave upon wave and is the first wave any different from the second?
Could there be a quest to find the origin of this heavenly breeze?
What would we find?
The breath of God?

...

good morning smses...

I have a friend who sends me some of the most wonderful 'good morning smses' that i decided to type it out and put it on my blog today...

Another day in our lives, like a leaf in the ocean we await what adventures are in store...Good morning...

The sun is shining bright, may it shed light to the far corners of your heart and soul...good morning...

Hustle and bustle of the day slowly picking up, another day of our lives, another day with you on my mind...good morning and have a blessed day...

Wake up to a bright sunny day, open your arms and feel the sun's energy radiate and sweep through all your soul...good morning...

Morning greetings to you...the dew drops has evaporated, the morning mist has cleared, its going to be a bring and sunny day...

Good morning..wake up to the sounds of chirping birds, touch the morning dew and get kissed by the morning sun...

crescent moon to half moon...

as i landed in Kuching, i looked up and i saw the crescent moon...i have always been in love with full moon but somehow at the time, the crescent moon looked just as amazing...then i remembered what my mom told me before i left, the crescent moon in the month of Aadi, is something to see...i guess she is right (like in most things)...the first three days i was busy at the conference, didnt have much time to do any sightseeing or look at the moon...then on friday i went to the cultural village of sarawak, the sight of mount santubong and the sea was more amazing than what i saw at the village. anyway, the melanau tall house did impress me though...in the evening i went shopping and bought some souvenirs for myself and my friends...

saturday...well that was something...i went to the Baku national park...it was amazing...we went jungle trekking for about 90 minutes (the truth is it was more like hiking) then we were at this cliff overlooking the sea...the sight was amazing... i would have walked a whole day to see that...so i guess the 90 minutes hike was really worth it (this is a big deal for a couch potato, i have to say). i could have spent hours just looking at the sea...it was beautiful...really really beautiful...the sun, breeze, sea, rock formation...everything that made me fall in love with sarawak...

there was a major power cut in kuching on saturday night...i was watching tv when this happened, so i decided to go out and sit my the river, just looking at the lights from the villages on the other side of the river...as i looked up...i saw the 'half moon'...my last evening in kuching...by the river with the moon and thousands of stars...need i say more...

the july that has been...

what can i say...this month has been a very tough month...so i guess it i appropriate that i m writting this post today, towards the end of the month...with the hope that august will be better for me...i often pride myself in being willing to try...i have tried many things...failed in many things...but i often dont give up easily, i can try very hard but that does not mean i take everything that comes my way easily. i often take things very hard on myself and really hate when things dont go as i plan...living this life and living on this planet, i cannot believe how i survived 34 years being a person like me...not sure if my ways are right or wrong somehow i survived so far...for the past four weeks, everything that i cant control has been against me...it feels like the WORLD is really going against me...what is the lesson that i am suppose to learn from this...is God teaching me to give up and let go and take things as they come...will i ever be able to do that...

older and not so wise...

people say that you get wiser as you grow old. i dont know about that. the more i think about this, the more puzzled i get...but recently i learnt this very important lesson...people can say all sorts of things...words which seem so sweet and nice but they might not even mean one per cent of it...that is how cheap words are actually...this lesson has come by my life many many times but somehow i guess i refused to accept it...for a person who falls in love with words so easily, this is a hard lesson to learn...a really hard lesson to learn...finally i did. now i am looking at people around me, who dont say that many nice things or make all sorts of promises but who do things for me, i try to look at people's action rather than what they say...i guess just like how some people can be blinded by looks, i can be blinded by words...one of my biggest flaw, i guess...i have learnt my lesson...thanks to the person who finally managed to make me understand...

the place i called home...

I stayed in a house for 25 yrs of my life before moving to the house I am staying right now...can you imagine, quarter century in one house...imagine how attached i would be to that house...today as i was driving pass the old place i realize that it has been transformed into an inn...my old house, an inn...interesting...as i was driving i was thinking who would want to come and stay in this inn...it is a small town, with nothing much to offer for tourist or visitor, it is a wonderful place to stay actually...anyway, the next thought was...i might be the only one who might want to stay there...just to sleep in my old room again and spend another night in a place i call my HOME...

i know why...

i have spent major part of my life trying to figure out why certain events happen in my life...mostly the ones i dont like or unexpected...sometimes i ask God why do u make me go through all these things and make me suffer...many times i have not found answers...but somehow recently God is giving me answers almost immediately...for example, some time back, my friend was talking about this girl who is getting married but giving herself six months to try it out. if it does not work out, she wants to walk out of it...when i first heard, i was very judgmental...how can anyone think like this...then later some events related to arranged marriage happened in my life...i could not believe myself coz i actually told my friend "since everyone wants me to get married, may be i should marry someone stay for 3 months and walk out of it..."..he he he...i realise this arrange marriage thing happened to teach me a lesson about not judging people too fast...everyone has a reason to do things, we might understand them or might never understand them...but may be that is the only choice they see at that particular time in their life...another lesson learnt...

a good cry...

i feel like i need a good cry...i really do...i m so frustrated today after hearing about some rules and regulation...why must things be so hard for me....why must everything be so hard for me...what did i that is so wrong...it really sounds like i m wallowing in self pity but i really dont know what to do or say...

3 friends...

i met two of my friends from secondary school yesterday...meeting them after 17 years and we are all 34 now..wow how cool was that...anyway we sat and chated for a few hours...after secondary school i went away to do my degree while my friends went to form six before they did their degrees...then of course they got married...my friend K, got married about 10 years ago and now lives in the US. she has two children. another friend, A, got married about two years ago and was about to migrate to where her husband was working and then somehow things happened and she is now separated from her husband and waiting for her divorce. then, of course there is me...my friends kept asking me what are my plans and when i want to get married and if it would be a love or an arranged marriage...i just laughed and said...i dont have any plans...i live a life without plans...sad isnt it...anyway, they were kind of surprised that i m still single and does not have any plans to get married...well, what can i say...life has taken me here...no idea where it is going to take me next...anyway, as i was driving back from my friends place, i could not help but wonder...we grew up in similar neighbourhoods, went to the same school, shared so many things in our lives until we were seventeen...yet look at home different how lives have turned out to be...imagine if i were to meet all my other classmates...imagine...

i am scared...

i am venturing into something new now and i am scared of what is going to happen... why am i always so scared of what is coming ahead...why do i feel that everyone seems to take things easier than i do... would everything work out for the best or will there be more problems... again why am i so scared...

athens and istanbul...firsts...

well, i wanted to write about this from last week...somehow i postponed it many times...I guess today is the right time...i went to Athens and Istanbul early this month. it was partly work and partly vacation...there was lots of firsts in my life during this trip...i took my first cruise to poros, aegina and hydra island in greece. the color of the sea water...what can i say... i could just spend hours looking at the 'aqua green' which happens to be the favourite color of someone i know.

then of course the journey by train from athens to istanbul. we took a four hour train from athens to tesalonikki and then about 12 hour train to istanbul. i really enjoyed this. first time i took a train that has berths and i saw one of the most amazing sunset from the train...

first time, i tried Greek and Turkish coffee and of course the famous Turkish tea (which by the way is like our Teh-O but a very 'pekat' version of our Teh-O).

it is also the first time i tried lots and lots of Turkish delights...the sweets...it was heavenly... felt so at home when i saw all the sweet stalls...

first time we tried raki and oozu...dont think i will try them again....

of course before i forget, it was also the first time i went into a Harem...never done that before...

the guy we called...

the guy we called email guy...what can i say about him...a lot actually, he stormed into my life early this year...captured my heart first through his writing...at the time when I almost forgot how exciting it can be to receive a mail from someone you like...then we started talking...what can I say... I enjoyed all the conversations...anyone who really knows me would understand how much I enjoy a 'decent conversation' and again, at the time when I almost forgot what that term used to mean...i had some of the most wonderful conversations with him...one of the most memorable conversation was the one we had at 3.45 am, at the end of which he decided to come and see me...when we met, I enjoyed his company...but if you are wondering why I am writing this now...well, it has been 5 months since I started writing to him and 3 months since we started talking...somehow, I realize that his 'visit' in my life will be soon over...do I feel sad, yes I guess as I really enjoyed talking to him...whether I understand why he is doing...I havent got a clue...but like what I was telling my friend...it was fun while it lasted...why it has to be for a short time...I have no idea but like what he once said to me... "I am glad you touched my life..." I wish I can tell him that the feeling is mutual...thank you for touching my life and making it a memorable one...

34 yrs and counting...

i expected that this birthday would be more exciting than the last...i have no idea why i thought that but i did...well it is not more exciting but it is nice to know that people still remember me and to some extend some people feel honoured to have the same birthday as mine...cool huh...may all my dreams come true...

roses...roses...roses...

If there is one reason I always enjoy my trips to Europe, it has to be the roses and the flowers...everytime I go there, I fall in love with the beauty and the color of roses...what can i say...

langkawi...sunset...

this is the how langkawi welcomed me...beautiful isnt it...

today is the day...

today is the day i give up...i always try very hard to maintain relationship or friendship or whatever ship they are called. but today i m really tired and i have decided to give up...there are not many things i have given up in my life...but this certainly is one of it...i admit it...i am so lousy at being a friend that i had to try so hard otherwise i guess people would not want to be with me...i admit it, for a person who always thought and take pride in being a good friend...today i realize i m really lousy at it...i guess i m so insignificant in anyone's life that it is so easy for anyone to throw me out of their lives...but why cant i ever feel that way...y is it i feel i want people to be in my life...may be i m just so insignificant...i know if i give up i will be all alone n miserable but i cant do this anymore...i will just chose to be miserable by myself...i give up...

rejection...

we have all been rejected in our lives...it can something like being rejected in a job interview or being rejected by someone we love...bottom line...it happens in life...but in my culture there is this thing called arranged marriage...which means that one's family or a total stranger introduces a total stranger to you and asks you if you want to marry him or her...well,my parents are of course trying to convince me to try this...but me being me...i just cannot bring myself to do it...mainly because i just dont believe it...and i dont believe in doing something i dont believe in...i know that does not make sense but anyway they want me to try it...so someone my dad knows thought of introducing guy A to me and it is common in arrange marriage to do a background check or ask someone who knows the prospective bride/groom about the person...so guy A did that...he asked person B what sort of person i am...apparently one of the things person B told guy A is that I am a person who do not put 'pottu' on my forehead...and because of that guy A was not interested...it is so funny, what people use to judge a person...people just dont care about the person, what sort of person she is etc...people are so fast to judge...i know this is a good thing but i was just thinking, i am a whole person and all people judge is about how i look or what i wear or dont wear...isnt that sad....

only in my workplace...

i dont know what to say about the people i work with...they are nice people but somehow they always come up with the most 'weirdest' comments about how i look...sometimes i dont even know if they are being sarcastic or complementing me...anyway this is how the list goes...
1. one day i was dressed in all white, and someone said i look like a rabbit.
2. one day i was wearing a dress which i have not worn for a long time and someone told me i look like a school girl.
3. today i was wearing a red punjabi suit and someone told me i look hot and another one said i look slim. the funny thing is, i have worn this suit many times...how come nobody noticed it all these time...
4.one day i was wearing a long black dress and people say i look sexy, i cannot figure out which part of the dress was sexy...

...and the list is endless....

our list...

last sunday i went out with my friend for coffee. as usual we ended up talking for hours about many things in our lives. some sad, some funny, some weird...well basically things we have talked about many many times in our friendship of eleven years....we were laughing a lot too...i dont know what were were thinking but we decided to do a list of ten good and 'not so good' things about us... and this is our lists (which we wrote on a tissue paper at the restaurant)...

Good things...
1.independent
2.vocal
3.highly opinionated
4.stubborn
5.non-judgemental
6.expressive
7.easy going
8.good listeners
9.caring
10. tak mengada ngada

not so good things...
1.think too much
2.emotional
3.gullible
4.dreamers
5.always think about others
6.always expect others to think like us
7.naive
8.not good at saying no
9.not good at letting go
10. live in the past, worry about the future...

my friend's paradise...

yesterday morning, the first message i got on my messenger was from my friend about this tree in campus...she said it looked so magnificient and beautiful and she said, "that is 'paradise' to me"...well, with such recommendation from my good friend, i cannot imagine missing my friend's paradise so i walked to the tree...indeed it is beautiful...may be that is paradise (i wouldnt know coz never been there)...anyway i took a picture of the tree but i dont think that pic does justice to what i saw...thanks, my friend for sharing your paradise with me...

my first election...

I know I am too old to vote for the first time, guess I should have done it many years back...but somehow everytime election was held, I was always away from my hometown. this year however, i voted...I dont know about other people but my first voting experience is something unforgetable...lol...what did i do??? well, I parked my car and walked into the pollings, there were many people asking me to check my polling station, polling stream etc but i refused and walked in like I have all the information with me...The truth is I did have all the information but my name was not in the list...Then, relunctantly, I went to the officer there and check...and that is when I realise I was in the wrong polling station...lol...I started laughing, of course that was embarrasing. I knew both polling stations, why I went here I have no idea but like what my friend said..."Only from you..." Well, lets look at the bright side, if I had gone to the right place, voted and came back, then I wont have anything to write, right...lol...

Tonight I watched the elections results as they came in. It was very different from all the other elections I have seen in my lifetime...I dont know how everyone feels about this...but the only thing is..."The tribe has spoken..."

i lost a friend...

i lost a friend yesterday...he was very young only 33 years old and he died of leukimia. the thing i really admired him is how gracefully he took all the pain and suffering and always seemed like he was at the top of the world...i sad a prayer for him today and hope that his soul will rest in peace...

misty...

today i woke up and looked at the hills outside my apartment...it was such a misty morning that i felt like i was floating in the clouds...i have seen mist before this but today was something so different...everything looked so mysterious and beautiful...is it just me or it is just such a beautiful morning...inspired by this i m wearing all white today...

falling in and out of love...

I was reading a book by Vairamuthu...in one of his poems he listed all the things he wants and one of it is...he wants to fail in love all the time...i was thinking of this line...if you ask me i would want to fall in love all the time...did he say that he want to fail in love all the time so that he can fall in love again??? i dont know that but i do know that falling in love is one of the most beautiful experience ever...

carling cup champions....

finally, spurs won the carling cup yesterday after 9 long years...wow...that was something...this season has been something after all...started badly but managed to win a silverware...well, is there anymore to come this season...lets wait and see...

vegetable...

this is really weird...for the first time i m going to write about a vegetable...and who might this be...it is Beet Root...i discovered today that this is the most overpowering vegetable that i have ever seen...i was cooking today and i decided to mix beet root and carrot in my cooking...guess what...i expected carrot to lose its color but it not only lost its color but also its taste...the dish tasted like any dish made from beet root...nobody would be able to guess that there was some carrot in it...lol...donno what to say...

i did something new today...

what did i do...i watched live cricket. it was a match between australia and nepal. i only watch it for a while but i will go again to watch the match between namibia and sri lanka. why am i so excited...well, i have never watched live cricket before plus it is an international tournament...so i guess that is like doing to new things...wonderful...

valentine's day...

what can i say about valentine's day...like the day but hate the commercialization... my day went ok today...i went out with a friend for dinner and we talked and laughed about anything and everything and shared events that are happening or happened in our lives...and we have been doing this for the past ten year...but guess what i m glad that she is around and we still share this...thanks friends...and happy valentines day to you...

i have a friend (2)...

what shall i say about this friend of mine...i was thinking of him this morning and he called...he was away for two weeks and he called me as soon as he arrived...that is kind of sweet right...anyway, there are many things i can say abt this friend but the one thing i will never forget is that he was there during a time which i considered the toughest in my life...i dreaded writing my PhD thesis so much and everyday i would try not to do it...but this friend of my would call me every morning and ask me to write a few lines...and that is how i finished writing my thesis...what else can i say...only that he is my friend...

love is...

well, i have spent many years of my life trying to complete this sentence...at each part of my life, the sentence always ended differently...at one point of time...love was a dream, at another point of time, love was life, at another time, love was sacrifice and the list is endless...well, if you ask me today...my answer is... Love is an oxymoron...

i have a friend...

i dont know why, this morning i thought of writing about a friend of mine...what shall i say about him...well he is a great guy, a wonderful friend...someone who has been there for me for many years...always very comforting and nice to me...even with all the 'stupidest' things i can come up with...he makes me realize that no matter whatever happens in ur life, no matter how great your life seems at the moment...dont ever forget your friends coz they are the ones who are going to lift you up when you fall...this friend of mine has done that for me...and somehow i know he will do it again...thanks my dear friend...

last year...

i have been feeling rather down this year...since January started...i dont know why...may coz i had a wonderful time last year...what did i do...well, I was at White Hart Lane...I saw the Collesium...I saw this amazing Laughing Buddha in Taiwan and I saw the most expensive saree in Chennai...that is something right...but why do i feel so down these days...what is wrong with me... i have no idea...but i know i will be ok in a few days time...hello 2008, here i come...i know it is a slow start but better now that never...