i have been thinking about this for sometime but somehow didnt write it down. i should do it today i guess. i never liked the process of 'ponnu parkiran' that happens in Indian societies in Malaysia. Basically, the guy and the family will come to the girl's house and the girl who is all dressed up with saree, flowers, jewellery, will come out and serve drinks. She might stand there for a while or answer some questions by the family. Sometimes, they let the guy and the girl talk. Sometimes they dont. I feel this whole process is degrading to women. This is of course my personal view and many people do not agree to this and are perfectly ok with this process. When I argue with my parents and explain why I do not like this process, they say this is our tradition and question why I am so against it. So this made me think, which part of this is our tradition. From whatever little I know, I dont think this is how match making were done in the good old days. The process of suyamvaram was very different than this, at least from what I read in the literature.
I am not expert but i have read about suyamvaram in many historical novels and poetry. well basically suyamvaram is a process which a princess chooses her groom. all the princes will come to the palace and usually they are expected to perform certain tasks and the princess will choose from the best. For example, in Ramayana, Rama had to break the bow before Rama and Sita got married. If you are wondering why I am writting all this, well this got me thinking, so based on literature that I have read, it seems like the princess has the right to choose her groom. Not only that, she does not stand all dressed up in the middle of a group of strangers to be looked at as a 'product'. Then I was thinking if only princesses had this right. How about lay people, do other women also have such rights. I have talked to my mom and my aunts regarding the process of arranged marriage which they went through. According to them, (and of course this is how it was done in my village around 40 or 50 years ago)most of the time the bride and the groom are not involved, it is the family who decides who marries who. Most of the time, they might not see each other until they get married or might have seen each other outside, since they might come from the same village.well in this tradition, there is no 'right to choose' but then again at least it has equality...between right to choose and equality, I choose 'the right to choose' equality...
So this again brings me to the same question, which part of tradition is ponnu parkiran coming from??? I rest my case...
I am not expert but i have read about suyamvaram in many historical novels and poetry. well basically suyamvaram is a process which a princess chooses her groom. all the princes will come to the palace and usually they are expected to perform certain tasks and the princess will choose from the best. For example, in Ramayana, Rama had to break the bow before Rama and Sita got married. If you are wondering why I am writting all this, well this got me thinking, so based on literature that I have read, it seems like the princess has the right to choose her groom. Not only that, she does not stand all dressed up in the middle of a group of strangers to be looked at as a 'product'. Then I was thinking if only princesses had this right. How about lay people, do other women also have such rights. I have talked to my mom and my aunts regarding the process of arranged marriage which they went through. According to them, (and of course this is how it was done in my village around 40 or 50 years ago)most of the time the bride and the groom are not involved, it is the family who decides who marries who. Most of the time, they might not see each other until they get married or might have seen each other outside, since they might come from the same village.well in this tradition, there is no 'right to choose' but then again at least it has equality...between right to choose and equality, I choose 'the right to choose' equality...
So this again brings me to the same question, which part of tradition is ponnu parkiran coming from??? I rest my case...
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