lucky charm...

yesterday, i was talking to a good friend of mine, A...talking about how our lives has changed (or not changed) in this last few year etc... she got married and now is pregnant with her first baby...then we were talking about another friend of ours, J also married...i m the only one who is still single and doing my research...then she highlighted that i helped her organize her wedding and also was present at J's wedding. then she said somehow u managed to get all of your friends married...ya true enough...i didnt help them find their husband but i was there for their wedding, helping them with whatever needed to be done...as we were talking she also told me how many other friends of mine who are actually married after they got to know me...she said "somehow u r the lucky charm...anyone who meets you and gets close to you gets married in a year..." i laughed at this idea, then i was telling this to J and even she agreed to A. when i heard this, one part of me agreed to this and felt happy but somehow deep inside me i felt sad...

viva...

yesterday, my friend went for his viva...i almost cried when they announced that he passed. i feel so happy for him...anyone who is not here and going through this process will never understand why this whole research thing takes forever...but we do...we no it so well...that is what makes this success sweeter...may be it is worth waiting for after all...i really hope it is...

only in movies...

today my friend told me that she watched "you've got mail" again...well i told her only in movies...you will be alone and facing difficulties and then comes a wonderful guy, rich, good looking etc and sweep you of ur feet and make all your difficulties go away...then she asked how about real life...well in real life...u end up ALONE...

my life...

sometimes i really wonder what is wrong with my life...at times i feel that i try my best to make the best out of my life and at the same time just go on with what i have but somehow everytime i do, life finds a way to trick me into sorrow...may be i m just plain stupid, i donno why everyone thinks that i m the easiest person to con in this entire universe...i really feel sad being like this...i m not asking for all the riches in the world but somehow i dont think my life should be as bad as this...

everytime anyone needs any help i try to help them and so on...somehow i dont think i m that bad of a person to go through all this...i m not asking to be repaid for whatever good things i have done in life...i just wish that it is not as bad as this...even the thought of all this is making me cry...

henna

When I am in campus, I often eat out. There are of course some restaurants which are my favourites. Mainly because they are happy to prepare vegetarian food for me...the other day when i went to lunch, a waiter came to my table and asked what I would like to have. as he was writting down my order i noticed henna on his fingers. This waiter is from India. As far as I know, Indian men usually only use henna for their wedding (well, sometimes for the wedding of someone very close to them like siblings etc)...I cannot help but to wonder, did this guy just come here to work few months after he got married. I always have a soft spot for people who travel miles to work in a foreign land leaving their families and their loved ones back home...The need to survive or the hope of a better future brings them so far...I know for a fact that when one Indian goes abroad to work would mean that a few of their family members will have a better life...but is this worth all the sacrifice these people are making.. I wonder...

philosophy of life...

"Nothing makes you learn something as fast as when you are required to teach someone"

this week i was required to teach a subject that i had no idea at all...first when i thought about teaching this i was a little worried...then i decided to have crash course of the subject of course with the help of book and the net...and somehow i donno why everything seems to fall in their place...and i manage to teach half of what i intended to. tomorrow i have one more session. hopefully it will be ok...

whatz his name...

last friday, i was in the bank, when someone called my name...i looked at him, it took me a while to guess who this guy was...he is a friend from my undergraduate years...so we spent some time talking and exchanging phone numbers, joking etc...both of us burst out laughing thinking of some of the things that we did in campus...and while all this are happening there was only one thing going on in my mind...what is this guy's name...i know who he is etc, what course he was doing etc but still can figure out what is his name...and i was too embarrased to ask his name...till the end i key in his number in my phone but have to put his name down...i called my roomate during those years to ask her whats his name but she didnt answer her phone...what shall i do now???

finally ...

from midnite all my friends have been calling me to wish me happy birthday...it is a nice feeling that so many people remembered...so sweet of them to do that...well, now...i m exactly 31 one years old...some people really believe that the time we were born determines our lives...i donno about that...but whatever it is i hope it is good...

31 on 31

today as was going to the bank, a sales person tried to sell me something, so i smiled and told him i m a student...that is one of the easiest excuse i have to deal with sales person. he was rather friendly and asked me how come i not having semester break at this time...i said i still have classes and going back to campus...then he just said enjoy the books, i have been there done that...the first thought that came to mind was hello, u have been done that???? i have been there more and done definately more and more on that... :) sounds very arrogant right...well he looked rather young, so i guessed that he must be a fresh graduate...unlike me...tomorrow i will be 31 and i m still in school...so tired of people asking me what are you doing in school at this age...well, god only knows what i am doing here...lets just hope this year will be a wonderful wonderful year for me...

missing a friend...

today i saw someone, at first glance he really looked like my friend, his clothes, the way he was walking and his glasses made me think that is my friend...the only problem is that i know my friend is in glasgow, so i took a second look. well, that was not my friend...a stranger. seeing this guy made me think about how me and my friend, V became close during our undergraduate years...

well, i got to know V when we were both involved in a project. he is a very friendly person and always surrounded by friends but i am a person who do not say much to people i do not know very well. i only talk a lot among my close friends, other than that i may seem like a very quiet person. so in the begining of this project, of course we never talked much...he later told me that he thought i was a stone when he first met me...and as we were working on the project he realized that i m not so 'stone' after all and that i do talk etc...but by the end of the project, he has become a very good friend of mine...together with another four member of the project team became close and inseparable...

i donno if the other five people still remember the fun we used to have during those years,may be some day i will write about the six of us...but for today i will leave it at this....but i do miss those years and my friends...

taking a break from the world...

last weekend was my friend's wedding...he called me many many times...trust me no one has ever invited me to their wedding like he did. first he emailed me then he called, then he sent his invitation card and finally he sent me sms a few days before the wedding inviting...in a way, i was very touched with the way he called me so many times...anyway since he is a good friend, i really really wanted to go to his wedding but somehow something stopped me...the truth is i am afraid to face the world at the moment, mainly my friends from university...most of them are very successful and happily married with children, in comparison to me, who is struggling to finish my phd...the truth is i dont feel good about myself at this moment, and when i see everyone else being happy and moving on with life i will feel sad...i know this sounds very very stupid and silly but i just cant help it, the feeling is still there...so when another friend of mine asked me, how come i didnt attend the wedding, i told him well, "i am taking a break from the world"...it sounded funny at the time and both of us laughed, so i told him, this will be my next entry in my blog..i wonder if he will read or remember???

"Princess"-like

I have been thinking writting this for about a week i think...finally today i get to write this...the other day, all Pterocarpus indicus (that is the Latin name for Pokok Sena, i donno what this tree is called in English) were in full bloom in my campus, the whole tree full of tiny, tiny yellow flowers, looking so wonderful. I am never good at describing things but the view was breathtaking. As I parked my car to get down and admire these trees, it started drizzling a little with a cool breeze. As the wind was blowing, some of the tiny flowers started falling on me....it was such a wonderful experience and such a 'princess' like moment...

research ...'beholder'

people usually ask me is phd difficult??? my only answer them is... NO it is not difficult...but...it requires a lot of persistence. of course you have to work hard, but then again everything in life requires you to work hard (set aside all those thousands of people who are born with silver spoons)...

when you are doing research, there are days which you have no idea what you are doing or why you are doing it...but the bottom line is that you have to do it...this might really sound crazy to people but that is how research is...learning from you mistakes more than you learning from reading all the thousands of articles you have collected thinking that they are so relevant to ur research but only to realize that those article only has like less than ten lines of what you want...of course this is only my picture about this whole process...as most things in the world are...this also depends on the 'beholder'...

mentor

today i received a mail from my mentor.people say that we sometimes dont realise how important or good someone is when they are near us...in my case this is partially true...not that i never realise how good or kind he is, but not to the extent i feel now. he is one of the most wonderful person i have met and he has been very very supportive in my work. he is one person i really really respect and admire for being the wonderful person he is. God, thank you for allowing me to meet such a person...

sending off...

last night i went to sent off a friend at the airport, it was a festival atmosphere at the airport, there were so many people there to see him off to his home land...it felt very nice that so many people was there to share his sucess, since he is going back home after completing his masters. even though i have heard about Zambia but i have never took the trouble to learn more about the country...i donno y, but only today i surfed the net looking for information on the counry...my friend told me that, some day i should visit his country...ya i guess i will may be when i travel to Africa...i think it is one of the most fascinating part in the world...

friend

yesterday, my friend called me and scolded and said, "why you always complain, complain and complain"...so today i m going to write about something good...i know i complain a lot...but no matter how much i complain there are two things i m always, always grateful about in my life...my family and my friend...and today i want to write about my friends,,,

along the short path of my life, i have a there are many, many people who have helped me go through my tough days and hear my laughter...sometimes i wonder how difficult life would have been if i have not met all these wonderful people in my life...Thank you God for introducing me to all these people...

my theory of relativity...

the only thing i no about einsteins theory of relativity is e=m.c.c but what i m writting today has got nothing to do with einstein. i m a person who goes crazy about bmws. and i can spot a bmw like a mile away, however, the other day as i was having dinner with my friend, we saw this huge, wonderful, black bmw. it really looked so good...was a 7 series, i was really admiring the car and as i was doing that another bmw passed by us, somehow it looked so small and not so wonderful, the fact is it was a 3 series bmw...so i told my friend, princess... in life everything is so relative, when u see something as good as a seven series bmw, three series looks very small and unattractive. the same way, when we think our lives are bad, think about millions of people out there how are having worst times...and when we think we are at the top of the world, just think about millions of people who are doing better, that will really teach us to be normal and accept our little presence on this planet...

queer eye...

last night i was watching "queer eye for the straight guy" and there was a wonderful line said in that programme..." you are fine the way your are". somehow i really like this line coz all my life i have been tired of listening to everyone suggestion (mostly people who do not play any important role of my life) on how i should be or how i should look like or how boring or old fashioned and giving me tonnes and tonnes of "free advice" about how i can look or be better....sometimes i wonder if they had used some of their own " free advice" on themselves...he he he...but somehow i just remained the way i wanted, plus i m just plain stubborn to follow words of people not important in my life... i really do sound so mean, dont i? anyway i really really truly agree that...

"I AM FINE THE WAY I M" and to all those who disagree with me...too badlah...coz what you think does not carry much weight in my life...

anyway, in "queer eye for the straight guy" i really like the way carson's ideas on fashion....

more on laughter, marriage and change...

well, this would sound like an 'obnoxious', self praising text...but then it has made me very happy since yesterday...so i have to write this down to justify my blog name which says that i only few regrets in life... :)...anyway this is how the story goes, yesterday a good friend of mine called me to invite me to his wedding...so after the normal how are you and so on, we were talking how much fun we had during our undergraduate years and all the social programs that we have organized and conducted...so many many things made us laugh our hearts out...as i was laughing my friend just said... u still laugh the same...so i told him that it is trademark laugh, cannot be changed... and he went on saying that "u still have that wonderful laughter, please dont change, always be like this..." call me silly but that somehow made my day...or may be two days...he he he...

people never fail to amaze me...

i spent most of my time in the computer lab for graduate students and of course there are many other students who come to the lab to do their work. some whom i talk to or say hi other i dont...there is this girl who comes to my lab, i got nothing against her but we just dont acknowledge each other but i have seen her many many times in the lab...sometimes she comes in with her boyfriend...i was all ok with this, it never bothered me that we dont talk to each other...the other day i went to the cinema to watch a movie...whiile waiting for the movie, i was went to the nearby food court. i saw her and her boyfriend in the food court having dinner. i was there with a friend, as we were walking in the food court, i saw her and as usual i didnt say hi or anything...to my amazement, she actually smiled and waved at me and she also told her boyfriend that i was there (i could not hear her saying but the guy turned and looked at us) and I am quite sure she was not waving to anyone behind us coz i checked the food court was almost closing so there was not many people there...the funny thing is, her act of acknowledging me actually made me wonder...y today, y not all the other days when i see her in the lab (which can be like more than a year), y all these months it didnt seem important to say hi or talk to me but today... i sincerely dont if she does not say hi to me...the only thing that crosses my mind is that would she have waved if i was walking alone in the food court...i wonder...