3 friends...

i met two of my friends from secondary school yesterday...meeting them after 17 years and we are all 34 now..wow how cool was that...anyway we sat and chated for a few hours...after secondary school i went away to do my degree while my friends went to form six before they did their degrees...then of course they got married...my friend K, got married about 10 years ago and now lives in the US. she has two children. another friend, A, got married about two years ago and was about to migrate to where her husband was working and then somehow things happened and she is now separated from her husband and waiting for her divorce. then, of course there is me...my friends kept asking me what are my plans and when i want to get married and if it would be a love or an arranged marriage...i just laughed and said...i dont have any plans...i live a life without plans...sad isnt it...anyway, they were kind of surprised that i m still single and does not have any plans to get married...well, what can i say...life has taken me here...no idea where it is going to take me next...anyway, as i was driving back from my friends place, i could not help but wonder...we grew up in similar neighbourhoods, went to the same school, shared so many things in our lives until we were seventeen...yet look at home different how lives have turned out to be...imagine if i were to meet all my other classmates...imagine...

i am scared...

i am venturing into something new now and i am scared of what is going to happen... why am i always so scared of what is coming ahead...why do i feel that everyone seems to take things easier than i do... would everything work out for the best or will there be more problems... again why am i so scared...

athens and istanbul...firsts...

well, i wanted to write about this from last week...somehow i postponed it many times...I guess today is the right time...i went to Athens and Istanbul early this month. it was partly work and partly vacation...there was lots of firsts in my life during this trip...i took my first cruise to poros, aegina and hydra island in greece. the color of the sea water...what can i say... i could just spend hours looking at the 'aqua green' which happens to be the favourite color of someone i know.

then of course the journey by train from athens to istanbul. we took a four hour train from athens to tesalonikki and then about 12 hour train to istanbul. i really enjoyed this. first time i took a train that has berths and i saw one of the most amazing sunset from the train...

first time, i tried Greek and Turkish coffee and of course the famous Turkish tea (which by the way is like our Teh-O but a very 'pekat' version of our Teh-O).

it is also the first time i tried lots and lots of Turkish delights...the sweets...it was heavenly... felt so at home when i saw all the sweet stalls...

first time we tried raki and oozu...dont think i will try them again....

of course before i forget, it was also the first time i went into a Harem...never done that before...

the guy we called...

the guy we called email guy...what can i say about him...a lot actually, he stormed into my life early this year...captured my heart first through his writing...at the time when I almost forgot how exciting it can be to receive a mail from someone you like...then we started talking...what can I say... I enjoyed all the conversations...anyone who really knows me would understand how much I enjoy a 'decent conversation' and again, at the time when I almost forgot what that term used to mean...i had some of the most wonderful conversations with him...one of the most memorable conversation was the one we had at 3.45 am, at the end of which he decided to come and see me...when we met, I enjoyed his company...but if you are wondering why I am writing this now...well, it has been 5 months since I started writing to him and 3 months since we started talking...somehow, I realize that his 'visit' in my life will be soon over...do I feel sad, yes I guess as I really enjoyed talking to him...whether I understand why he is doing...I havent got a clue...but like what I was telling my friend...it was fun while it lasted...why it has to be for a short time...I have no idea but like what he once said to me... "I am glad you touched my life..." I wish I can tell him that the feeling is mutual...thank you for touching my life and making it a memorable one...

34 yrs and counting...

i expected that this birthday would be more exciting than the last...i have no idea why i thought that but i did...well it is not more exciting but it is nice to know that people still remember me and to some extend some people feel honoured to have the same birthday as mine...cool huh...may all my dreams come true...

roses...roses...roses...

If there is one reason I always enjoy my trips to Europe, it has to be the roses and the flowers...everytime I go there, I fall in love with the beauty and the color of roses...what can i say...

langkawi...sunset...

this is the how langkawi welcomed me...beautiful isnt it...

today is the day...

today is the day i give up...i always try very hard to maintain relationship or friendship or whatever ship they are called. but today i m really tired and i have decided to give up...there are not many things i have given up in my life...but this certainly is one of it...i admit it...i am so lousy at being a friend that i had to try so hard otherwise i guess people would not want to be with me...i admit it, for a person who always thought and take pride in being a good friend...today i realize i m really lousy at it...i guess i m so insignificant in anyone's life that it is so easy for anyone to throw me out of their lives...but why cant i ever feel that way...y is it i feel i want people to be in my life...may be i m just so insignificant...i know if i give up i will be all alone n miserable but i cant do this anymore...i will just chose to be miserable by myself...i give up...

rejection...

we have all been rejected in our lives...it can something like being rejected in a job interview or being rejected by someone we love...bottom line...it happens in life...but in my culture there is this thing called arranged marriage...which means that one's family or a total stranger introduces a total stranger to you and asks you if you want to marry him or her...well,my parents are of course trying to convince me to try this...but me being me...i just cannot bring myself to do it...mainly because i just dont believe it...and i dont believe in doing something i dont believe in...i know that does not make sense but anyway they want me to try it...so someone my dad knows thought of introducing guy A to me and it is common in arrange marriage to do a background check or ask someone who knows the prospective bride/groom about the person...so guy A did that...he asked person B what sort of person i am...apparently one of the things person B told guy A is that I am a person who do not put 'pottu' on my forehead...and because of that guy A was not interested...it is so funny, what people use to judge a person...people just dont care about the person, what sort of person she is etc...people are so fast to judge...i know this is a good thing but i was just thinking, i am a whole person and all people judge is about how i look or what i wear or dont wear...isnt that sad....

only in my workplace...

i dont know what to say about the people i work with...they are nice people but somehow they always come up with the most 'weirdest' comments about how i look...sometimes i dont even know if they are being sarcastic or complementing me...anyway this is how the list goes...
1. one day i was dressed in all white, and someone said i look like a rabbit.
2. one day i was wearing a dress which i have not worn for a long time and someone told me i look like a school girl.
3. today i was wearing a red punjabi suit and someone told me i look hot and another one said i look slim. the funny thing is, i have worn this suit many times...how come nobody noticed it all these time...
4.one day i was wearing a long black dress and people say i look sexy, i cannot figure out which part of the dress was sexy...

...and the list is endless....

our list...

last sunday i went out with my friend for coffee. as usual we ended up talking for hours about many things in our lives. some sad, some funny, some weird...well basically things we have talked about many many times in our friendship of eleven years....we were laughing a lot too...i dont know what were were thinking but we decided to do a list of ten good and 'not so good' things about us... and this is our lists (which we wrote on a tissue paper at the restaurant)...

Good things...
1.independent
2.vocal
3.highly opinionated
4.stubborn
5.non-judgemental
6.expressive
7.easy going
8.good listeners
9.caring
10. tak mengada ngada

not so good things...
1.think too much
2.emotional
3.gullible
4.dreamers
5.always think about others
6.always expect others to think like us
7.naive
8.not good at saying no
9.not good at letting go
10. live in the past, worry about the future...

my friend's paradise...

yesterday morning, the first message i got on my messenger was from my friend about this tree in campus...she said it looked so magnificient and beautiful and she said, "that is 'paradise' to me"...well, with such recommendation from my good friend, i cannot imagine missing my friend's paradise so i walked to the tree...indeed it is beautiful...may be that is paradise (i wouldnt know coz never been there)...anyway i took a picture of the tree but i dont think that pic does justice to what i saw...thanks, my friend for sharing your paradise with me...

my first election...

I know I am too old to vote for the first time, guess I should have done it many years back...but somehow everytime election was held, I was always away from my hometown. this year however, i voted...I dont know about other people but my first voting experience is something unforgetable...lol...what did i do??? well, I parked my car and walked into the pollings, there were many people asking me to check my polling station, polling stream etc but i refused and walked in like I have all the information with me...The truth is I did have all the information but my name was not in the list...Then, relunctantly, I went to the officer there and check...and that is when I realise I was in the wrong polling station...lol...I started laughing, of course that was embarrasing. I knew both polling stations, why I went here I have no idea but like what my friend said..."Only from you..." Well, lets look at the bright side, if I had gone to the right place, voted and came back, then I wont have anything to write, right...lol...

Tonight I watched the elections results as they came in. It was very different from all the other elections I have seen in my lifetime...I dont know how everyone feels about this...but the only thing is..."The tribe has spoken..."

i lost a friend...

i lost a friend yesterday...he was very young only 33 years old and he died of leukimia. the thing i really admired him is how gracefully he took all the pain and suffering and always seemed like he was at the top of the world...i sad a prayer for him today and hope that his soul will rest in peace...

misty...

today i woke up and looked at the hills outside my apartment...it was such a misty morning that i felt like i was floating in the clouds...i have seen mist before this but today was something so different...everything looked so mysterious and beautiful...is it just me or it is just such a beautiful morning...inspired by this i m wearing all white today...

falling in and out of love...

I was reading a book by Vairamuthu...in one of his poems he listed all the things he wants and one of it is...he wants to fail in love all the time...i was thinking of this line...if you ask me i would want to fall in love all the time...did he say that he want to fail in love all the time so that he can fall in love again??? i dont know that but i do know that falling in love is one of the most beautiful experience ever...

carling cup champions....

finally, spurs won the carling cup yesterday after 9 long years...wow...that was something...this season has been something after all...started badly but managed to win a silverware...well, is there anymore to come this season...lets wait and see...

vegetable...

this is really weird...for the first time i m going to write about a vegetable...and who might this be...it is Beet Root...i discovered today that this is the most overpowering vegetable that i have ever seen...i was cooking today and i decided to mix beet root and carrot in my cooking...guess what...i expected carrot to lose its color but it not only lost its color but also its taste...the dish tasted like any dish made from beet root...nobody would be able to guess that there was some carrot in it...lol...donno what to say...

i did something new today...

what did i do...i watched live cricket. it was a match between australia and nepal. i only watch it for a while but i will go again to watch the match between namibia and sri lanka. why am i so excited...well, i have never watched live cricket before plus it is an international tournament...so i guess that is like doing to new things...wonderful...

valentine's day...

what can i say about valentine's day...like the day but hate the commercialization... my day went ok today...i went out with a friend for dinner and we talked and laughed about anything and everything and shared events that are happening or happened in our lives...and we have been doing this for the past ten year...but guess what i m glad that she is around and we still share this...thanks friends...and happy valentines day to you...