almost wishing

they say that sometimes one decision can change the course of ur life...i have never really believed in that but somehow this few years has really made me realise how true that really is...i made a decision to pursue something five years ago...and every since then the only thing i wish every new year (including all the new year that i celebrate...from 1st of january to 14 of april etc.) is to finish that but somehow until today it is still unfinished...sometimes i wonder what is wrong with me...y is this so difficult...sometimes i almost wish tht life has a rewinder button just like video player or something...

when i look back at this five years...i cant believe how much this decision has changed my life and me in person...i have transformed from a very cheerful person with lots and lots of friends to a lone ranger who have very selective friends...i used to be so hopeful and full of dreams with the spirit enough to conquer the world...now no matter what i think, i always think the negative aspect of it...wht is wrong with me...wht has happen to me...sometimes i wish i was my old self back...but then again i donno if i can ever be that person again...

when i first decided to pursue this, i thought this is what i wanted...this is going to make my life better etc...but now i wonder is this all worth it...is it worth spending so many years of my life in pursue of something after i have sacrificed so much of my life in the process of doing it...well i seriously have no answer...today is another new year again...as usual i have still wishing and hoping that this will over in this year...but then again only time can tell...