my car...my life...

i m rather upset today. I have been noticing that there is some problem with my car for the past one month...i have taken it to my mechanic twice but somehow everything that he did, didnt seem to be solving my problem. somehow this is really bothering me...as it is, i m always the only girl who shows up alone at my mechanic's place. mechanic, going to mechanic, discussing problems regarding cars are still dominated my men in my part of the world...i really hope something he does tomorrow will solve this problem...i really pray...

yesterday...celebrating life...

i had a fun time yesterday. i went for lunch and tea with my colleague and dinner with my brother and a very good friend. was a rather hectic day but i really enjoyed myself. not a bad way to celebrate my life...celebrating my birthday...

me...paranoid

i no it has been some time since i last wrote...many things have happened since and somehow i didnt feel like writing...today i thought i should write about what i m going through for the past two weeks...there is a problem that i m trying to solve but somehow i am not able to do it. it is so annoying and also so out of my control...i know that...but why does it bother me so much...why do i feel like i m very bad at handling things, why does everything related to this irritating me...i really wish i know the answer...i do hate what is happening...

reading...listening...

I went to temple yesterday. It is Kandha Sashti. After the usual pooja, everyone recited Kandha Sasthi Kavasam. I just sat there listening to everyone reciting. After that, they usually have the reading of Kandha Puranam. Before this I usually dont wait to listen to that. Yesterday, somehow, I was still there when they read Kandha Puranam. Not many people were listening to the priest who was reading it. Everyone was busy praying or taking prasadam. It has been a long time since I actually listened to something like that. When I was younger I used to really enjoy listening to people reading or listening to stories or play broadcast on the radio. I guess many people dont realize this, but I think it is a skill to concentrate and listen to something as people are reading it. A skill that I have almost forgotten I had. It realy made me think, are there any clubs here where they read stories or mahabaratam or whatever and I would be able to sit and just enjoy what is being read...I wouldnt mind joining a club like that...I wonder....

my life...

i had a very bad week last week. i had arguments with almost everyone who was close to me. sometimes i wonder what is wrong with me. according to one of my friend, i have too much expectation on everything and everyone. i tried my best to think objectively about this. I really donno if that is true...may be i do, may be i dont...but the only thing i realise is i dont want something like this to happen again. i dont want to argue and end up being upset and sad or feeling like leaving everyone and everything i know...

is that my life...

I met an old lady at the cafetaria yesterday. She sat at my table and asked me if I know any vacant room because she wants to rent a room. Well, I told her that I dont really know but in my mind I was wondering why is she looking for a room. Furthermore she is like 60+. So I asked her if the room is for her. She said yes and told me that she is alone and needs a place to stay. She told me that she is working in the university to support herself and needs a place that is near to the university. When she said that, I started wondering...is this a sign...is this how my life would be when I am 60+...all alone, staying alone, working to support myself...that made me a bit scared and sad actually...I continued eating...she continued eating...

Later she told me more about her life. Of course I do not know if what she said is true but this is what she told me. She has five children. All of them are married but none wants to take care of her or give her financial support so she has support herself...I felt sad for her but I realise something. Basically, there is not guarantee in anything. People often say that I should get married and have children otherwise I would end up alone...Well, when I really think about it, I would rather be alone and end up alone then be married and have children and still end up alone...life is a matter of how you make sense of it...

a weekend in singapore...

well, after many many years i went out of malaysia for the first time last weekend. how did i feel...well a bit of everything but mainly excited, I am going to see two friends who i have not seen for more than a year...wow that sounds like a long time. well, while i was there i went for the Cartier's exhibition and it was really wonderful...i was so amazed that i can hardly find words to describe the jewellery and watches displayed. I really enjoyed that... we also went to a resoirvoir, I cant remember the name of the place, but i kind of like that place. it was very cool n nice and while we were walking it started raining...he he he...the place was really nice when it was raining, kind of romantic actually...we ate at one restaurant in little india and went shopping and walking and talking... i guess what i enjoyed the most is the conversation i had with my friends, some long some short but they were good...

something magical...

sometime nine years ago, i spent an evening with my friend, we were going around the island. somehow both of us really enjoyed that ride. we always refered to the trip but somehow both of us never discussed how we felt that evening...nine years has passed and somehow last night we talked about the trip...and for the first time we talked about how we felt on that day...we never said a word, but we understood each other perfectly well...that was something magical...indeed...

Five worst comments...

Today, I was chatting with my friend and she suggested that I make a list of ... the worst things guys I know (I mean I just know them, they are not my friends) have said/comentted to me...well here are the five worst comments made by them...[The comments in the bracket are what I either told them or wanted to tell them...]

• If I marry you, I won't allow you to wear jeans... [Hello, marry you??? The last I check I live in a free country...]
• You look different today...you did facial??? [Of all the things]
• Other guys are going to look at your cleavage [what???]
• You are a jack of all trades but master of none... [and who is he, nuclear physicist???]
• I am wearing an engagement ring to prevent girls from falling all over me... [I didnt even ask about the ring to begin with...]

convo...convo...

finally, the day that i waited for so long came...my convocation...every convocation, i would wonder when is my turn...yesterday finally it arrived...i really enjoyed myself...it was everything like what i pictured. i really liked the saree i was wearing and felt very happy about it...

it has been a while...

it has been a while since i wrote something here...but today i have decided to write something down...well i was listening to news when i heard a little child describing how his mother and sister was hurt in a war...it is really sad that at this time and age and when we claim that we have become more 'civilized' a child on this planet is still witnessing this...that really makes me wonder...i really wonder...

a complete life...

many people believe that life is not complete if one is not married. i am saying this because many people actually tell me this including my parents. well may be they are right. I would not know becoz i am not married and most probably might not so i guess i will never know if that is going to 'complete' my life or not. but i believe one thing...everyone's life is complete. it is just a matter of perception. some ppl think that their life is not complete if they never see the seven wonders, other feel that it is not complete if one does not get married, other feel it is not complete...may be it is true to them but how about others...this morning, as i was driving across the bridge to come to campus, i notice how beautiful the reflection of the moon looks on the sea...it was really nice...i slowed down for a while to admire that. of course, many others were overtaking me and just passing this wonderful sight without even knowing it existed...well, i m not saying it is wrong to do that but then again, my life might just be complete coz i notice things like this...others' life might be complete with things i will never see or experience...i guess such differences and diversity is what makes life interersting...imagine how life would be if each and everyone of them have the exact same experience of things...boring right...what would we talk about...

beauty and brains...

I told my friend, Puteri once that "beauty and brains like us (refering to myself and her) are hard to find...". She really had a good laugh at the statement. Well, I laughed too. Anyway, last night i watched this reality program which had many many beautiful girls, mostly models...guess what some of them cant even spell simple words...i am joking really really simple words...so now my dear friend, I am really convinced that "beauty and brains like us are really hard to find."

good things...

it has been many days since i wrote anything here...not that i didnt want to write, it is just that i do not have a pc in my office at the moment...it needs to be reformated so i m going through a life without a pc for almost one week now... gosh...it is not easy. i have never thought i am that addicted to my pc or internet until this week...anyway, today i decided to write something nice... i want to list 5 good things about myself (since it is my birthday, i have to let the world know that it is good to have me around sharing this space, air etc)...he he he...well this is my point of view, it does not matter if the world disagrees with me...

• persistence

being persistent in anything that i want...i guess this is the one quality that i had that got me through my phd.

• laughter

well, many people have commented on my laughter. some like it, some dont. the truth is i do laugh easily. i laugh at many things, my weakness, my mistakes, my stupidity, the world's stupidity, my understanding of the world and even at things that i do not understand about the world. basically, i can laugh at anything and i am glad i m like this...

• listening

i am very proud about this actually. i always considered myself as a good listener. sometimes by listening to someone, i can make them feel better about themselves or their lives.

• not judgemental

generally i am not jugdemental but sometimes i do judge a person based on how they treat me but not on personal things like beliefs, sexual preferences, or the type of relationships they are involved in. i believe these are all very personal and people have their own reasons to be what they are which might be very different from my own reasons.

• independent

well, generally i am able to or try to do things by myself. but that does not mean i dont enjoy being with friends and family but am serious about something i will do it anyway, even if my friends and family are not able to join me...

definition of love...

love means different things to different people...to some it means caring, for some it means attention, for some it means sacrifice and the list goes on and on...i always pride myself as being someone who is not jugdemental...but even then, i find it hard to believe some of the things my friends have done in the name of love...particularly one person, who sacrificed or compromised many things to be with this person she loves...i was talking about this to another friend of mine...and she said well that is love...so i asked her again, "is that what you call love?" . my friend then told me that, " well, if that is how she defines love..."

ya i guess my friend is right. if that is how one defines love...who am i to disagree???

a good laugh...

i wanted to write about so many things last week but somehow never got the 'mood' to actually do it...anyway, last Monday I was sitting in my friend's car while she went to the bank. Her car was blocking another car...therefore when I saw that the owner of that car wanted to go out, I just jumped from the passenger seat to the driver's seat...the moment i did that, the look in his eyes...the seemed so amazed with what i did...his look is so hard to described but it amused me...i had a good laugh...

life is...

life is a game of football...last saturday, i watched many epl matches on epl...i saw chelsea defend their title and their celebration, i watched birmingham city relegated and also portsmouth surviving another year in epl...all this remind me about life...i no i no football is just a game, but if that is so, why did i see so many birmingham fans crying when they drew with newcastle...they also know it is just a football match???

do your duty....anyway...

this morning i saw this person sweeping the road. as he was sweeping dried leaves kept falling...he continued sweeping anyway... this is not the first time i observed something like this, everytime i see someone sweeping the road reminds me of Gita, whatever happens, do your duty ...anyway... whether you see any changes, whether you feel significant, whether you understand why you are doing something, if it is ur duty...do it anyway...does this make sense??? well many times, life does not...

beauty and pain...

i have heard many people say that sometimes if you want to look beautiful you have to bear some pain...never really thought much about this until today... i met two of my friends who straighten their hair recently. they were telling me how much it hurts. i really didnt know that straightening hair can be painful...not only that it took them like seven hours to complete the procedure...wow...

what a way to start my week...

this morning i was driving to work and got stuck in traffic jam for like one and half hour...sigh...sigh...i hate traffic jams...but guess what is the best thing that...well i became one of the most 'courteous' driver on the road...giving way to anyone who wants to cut in...after like 15 mins being stuck in the traffic, i realised that i m not getting anyway by cutting in and out of lanes so i was giving the way to everyone and amusing myself, looking at how far they could go or could not go..he he he...