காதல் ஒன்று இருந்தது...

காதல் ஒன்று இருந்தது...
காதல் ஒன்று இருந்தது,
அது நேற்றோடு முடிந்தது
கனவு ஒன்று இருந்தது
அது இன்றோடு கலைந்தது
வாழ்க்கை ஒன்று உள்ளது
அது மட்டும்  தொடர்கிறது

A Timeless Time...

The breeze gently caresses my hair, 
The last ray of light tenderly kisses my face,
In the darkness of the night my feet dances to the rythm of the waves,
The music from the waves soothes my heart,
And in that moment, that one moment I feel eternity...a timeless time...

நிலவழகா

நிலவழகா, நீ அழக என்று கேட்டல், நிலவொளியில் உன் முகம் பார்ப்பது அழகு என்பேன்
தென்றல் குளிரா, உன் முகம் குளிரா என்று கேட்டால், உன் முகம் மோதி வரும் தென்றல் குளிர் என்பேன்
அலை ஓசை இனிதா, உன் குரல் இனிதா என்று கேட்டால், அலை ஓசையுடன் உன் குரல் கேட்பது இனிது என்பேன்

இறைவி

Inspired by Kannadhasan's தென்னை இளநீருக்குள்ளே, தேங்கி உள்ள ஓட்டுகுள்ளே, தேங்காயை போல் இருப்பான் ஒருவன்...அவனை தெரிந்து கொண்டால் அவதான் இறைவன்...

ஏழு வழிகளிளே எட்டம் வழியில் ஒளியாய் இருப்பாள் ஒருத்தி, அவளை தெரிந்து கொண்டால் அவள்தான் இறைவி

காதலும் கடவுளும்

இளமை முடிந்தது, இளமையுடன் காதலும் முடிந்தது என்றேன் நான்
அடி போடி பைத்தியகாரி, முதுமையிலும் வருவதுதான் காதல் என்றன் கடவுள்...

I have not written for a while...

I know I have not written for a while but today I have to because I need a distraction. I am hurt. After six years of relationship, suddenly the person whom I thought I knew, is so different. He told me he would call me when he is ok. I have not idea if that will every happen or if he would just go missing from my life. It is hard to know that the person I love does not think it is important to talk to me and he is actually OK not talking to me for a long time. Perhaps I was not as important in his life as I thought I was. That really hurts. I guess if he does not ever call me I know I was never important, hence there is nothing much I can do about it...

என் கிறுக்கல்கள் (my doodles...)

மதியும் நானும் 
பிறை மதியை பார்த்தேன் அதில் உன் புருவங்கள் மட்டும் கண்டேன்,
அரை மதியை பார்த்தேன் அதில் உன் புன்னகையை மட்டும் கண்டேன் 
நிறை மதியை பார்த்தேன் அதில் உன் முகம் முழுவதும் கண்டேன்
நிலவில்ல இரவுகளில் கூட உன் கூந்தலின் கருமைநிறதை  கண்டேன் 
திங்கள் தோறும் உன்னை மட்டும் காண்கிறேன் 
ஒரு நொடியாவது என்னை நீ நினைத்தாயோ, வெண்ணிலவே

My beloved ... (not a direct translation)
The new moon reminds me of the darkness of your hair
The crescent moon reminds me of your eyebrows
The half moon reminds me of your smile
The full moon reminds me of your radiant face
While I see you in every phase of the moon, have you even thought of me, my beloved moon...

it's all in your mind...

It is funny how in the span of 24 hrs two guys said this to me...it is all in your mind... so lets talk about both guys...

First guy, someone I hardly know, I went for dinner with this guy, we didn't spend much time over dinner and since he insisted that he wants to spend more time with me I suggested that we go for a walk or drink somewhere. First he said ok, but after talking for a while he said he was tired and wanted to go back to his hotel. Since he was out of town and I picked him up for dinner, I told him I will drop him back at his hotel and I did just that. Before he got down he asked if I want to go up to his room, I declined obviously, I mean I hardly know this guy. So he started explaining that there is nothing wrong going to his room bla bla bla... and he explained many times that he just want to talk and nothing more than that and there is no difference if we were talking over a drink or in his room. Well I told him I agree to what he says but I just choose not to go and I am not going to be apologetic for being me...so he left...before which he said, it is all in your mind...

The second guy, he is like my 'bestest' friend. Sometimes I am so glad I found him. I called him to tell him about my dinner with the first guy and after a while started talking about other things (as usual). Anyway, I was telling him that I don't wear short skirt coz I don't think i have beautiful legs, he burst out laughing and said " well, it is all in your mind"... :)

my trip to KL...

It has been many many years since I drove to KL. Last weekend I drove to KL, single handedly... LOL...well I did use both my hands while driving but since five of us wanted to go to KL, I thought I will drive this time. I am really 'manjafied' if I am going to KL alone, I usually justtake a flight...the trip went ok, we did lots of shopping for a friend's wedding and I bought a saree for my birthday...yahoo....

my first meeting as a chair...

today was my first meeting as a chair, somehow i dont feel that it went well. first of all i went to the meeting late. the first email mentioned that the meeting was at 930 am. the second one was send to say it is at 9 but even though i saw that email i didnt see the time...what is wrong with me??? then i made a mistake, and it was highlighted in the meeting. i m feeling rather down about it...will it be ok...will life be ok... someone please tell me that i will be ok...

clean slate...

I am starting this year with a clean slate...how this slate will look after 361 more days is of course a mystery but I guess clean slate is a good place to start...right... i planned my life to be very different but this is what life has given me...so heres to striving and trying everything once...

2009 that has been...

Two more weeks, before 2009 says goodbye. What can I say about 2009? Well, it has been one of the most exciting year in my life. The good thing is even though it has some sad moments, it alos had many good moments. I am glad about many things that happen. My only regret is that a friend of mine, a very good friend of mine has moved away from me. Even though he promised that things will not change, I know for a fact that it will and we will drift apart. I know I cant stop him, but that is just how life flows...it has its own course...

part of me...

part of me is crying today...why? because someone i am very close to is moving away. he is going far away and there is nothing i can do to stop him. i have a lousy record in terms of stopping people anyway. i guess the impact i had in his life is not as great as what he had in mine, therefore it is easier for him to go...the question is, what do i do next?

option A or B

The tribe members went out yesterday (me, J and A). Me wanted to buy furniture and curtain, J was just accompanying me and A wanted to buy gift for her boss to mark her one year anniversary working under him...sigh... (we did tell her such category of anniversary does not exist). Anyway, we spent more time buying a blouse for herself than finding the gift for her boss. anyway as we were walking and talking she asked us a question. Between

Option A: being with someone whom you dont want to be with
and
Option B: liking someone who you cant have

which would you rather have?

J and I immediately answered option B, without even having to think about it. Then we said, option B is something we have done, survived and might do again but option A will be worst...funny isnt it...our priorities is so clear, we want to be with someone we love and if we cant have that, just loving that person is enough, we don't need anything more than that and the most important thing is that we will not settle for anything less.

my many battles in life...

I wont say that I have the most colorful life on the planet but as a person living on this earth, I have had many battles in my life. It is not easy going through all these battles but I have gone through them one at a time. But sometimes or may be many times I have really wished that life was easier for me. Am I asking for too much? I really wish I know. Sometimes I wonder if I am really bad at doing things always becomes complicated for me...Am I that incapable of handling life?

suyamvaram...

i have been thinking about this for sometime but somehow didnt write it down. i should do it today i guess. i never liked the process of 'ponnu parkiran' that happens in Indian societies in Malaysia. Basically, the guy and the family will come to the girl's house and the girl who is all dressed up with saree, flowers, jewellery, will come out and serve drinks. She might stand there for a while or answer some questions by the family. Sometimes, they let the guy and the girl talk. Sometimes they dont. I feel this whole process is degrading to women. This is of course my personal view and many people do not agree to this and are perfectly ok with this process. When I argue with my parents and explain why I do not like this process, they say this is our tradition and question why I am so against it. So this made me think, which part of this is our tradition. From whatever little I know, I dont think this is how match making were done in the good old days. The process of suyamvaram was very different than this, at least from what I read in the literature.

I am not expert but i have read about suyamvaram in many historical novels and poetry. well basically suyamvaram is a process which a princess chooses her groom. all the princes will come to the palace and usually they are expected to perform certain tasks and the princess will choose from the best. For example, in Ramayana, Rama had to break the bow before Rama and Sita got married. If you are wondering why I am writting all this, well this got me thinking, so based on literature that I have read, it seems like the princess has the right to choose her groom. Not only that, she does not stand all dressed up in the middle of a group of strangers to be looked at as a 'product'. Then I was thinking if only princesses had this right. How about lay people, do other women also have such rights. I have talked to my mom and my aunts regarding the process of arranged marriage which they went through. According to them, (and of course this is how it was done in my village around 40 or 50 years ago)most of the time the bride and the groom are not involved, it is the family who decides who marries who. Most of the time, they might not see each other until they get married or might have seen each other outside, since they might come from the same village.well in this tradition, there is no 'right to choose' but then again at least it has equality...between right to choose and equality, I choose 'the right to choose' equality...

So this again brings me to the same question, which part of tradition is ponnu parkiran coming from??? I rest my case...

AA

AA well this is not an entry about Alcohol Anonymous, this is about a person who walked into my life recently...of course like all other guys in my life, he left but I thought I have to write about him...What makes him so different from anyone else that walked into my life, well, being with him made me break my rules which I held in my life, being with him made me realize how vulnerable I was. I am still not sure whether this 'breakaway' is because I am vulnerable or because I am just ready to do how I feel and not live by the rules which are guided by the 'so-called' society. Am I just trying to make me feel better or justify what I did??? I really dont know but the funny thing is... I dont feel guilty about it...I wonder why???

my many firsts...

well, this year has given me many firsts... here are some of it...for the first time in my life i went to the southern hemisphere, first time i went to the african continent, first trip to the americas,first time i went to a synagogue and a Mormon temple and of course...first time i had a fling...

atul...

what can i say about him...i dont know. he is someone i have never met. someone i have spoke to for less than 10 times in 12 years...used to chat with him very often but nowadays we manage to chat may be only once in a few months...then you may ask, why this entry...well my close friends would understand why I had to write about him. anyway what about him...i have been chatting with him for like 12 years...he talks like a poet and since i am a 'sucker' for words...you can easily imagine how much i enjoy talking to him...everytime we chat or he writes to me or even when we talk on the phone everything he says sounds like lines from a poem...i cant even remember how he looks like eventhough i have seen his picture but i can definately remember what he said when i asked him how old he is 12 years ago...

"i have seen 28 springs in my life without meeting you"...shall i say more...

25 minutes too late...

I was talking my friend, J, yesterday. She told me she met a guy and she felt that she is 2 years too late coz he is so sweet and nice but he got married two years ago...this reminded me of Micheal Learns to Rock song, 25 minutes too late...hmmmmm.... so i told her, "it does not matter dear, 25 minutes, 2 years, 19 years, the bottom line is "we are too late"... and that it the key phrase...lol...