shrinking 'S' or expanding ME...

I went shopping last weekend...I tried a few blouses (size 'S) and i realize that they were too small for too tight for me...sigh...I know I dont have a super model figure hence that is why the blouses dont fit but at the same time I was thinking I have many many blouses at home which are size 'S' and still fits...some which I bought more than ten years ago. I know I have put one weight these few years but somehow, many of my blouses and even saree blouses still fit...may be this entry is just part of being in denial but anyway my theory is that... the size 'S' has shrunk... :)

what is this feeling...

sincerely, i have no idea what i am going through these days...may be it is a phase or may be it is my long lost adolescence...coz i feel like i am 17 again...i am having this big crush on someone, enjoying whatever attention i am getting...after a very long time, i am feeling this way...or sometimes i wonder have i ever felt this way before...everything seems like a puzzle to me... like what i told my friend i have lived 34 yrs of my life being clueless...guess this is going to continue...

sexy and cute...

this is related to the post which I made a few days ago about having a crush on someone. well, nothing much to say just that he texted me to say that i looked cute and sexy...hehehe...so i just thought i had to write this down...

roses and valentine's day...

I dont know what i was thinking when I agree to meet a guy i was chatting with on friday evening...suppose to meet at six but then later we decided to meet at ten. i told him i will meet him at the coffee house in the hotel coz I dont think i am ready to go out with him yet... first i was very cool, then as it got closer to 10 pm...i was really thinking what am i doing...what did i agree to do this...anyway, it was too late coz at 10 sharp he called to say he was there...so i went to meet him, i said hi and he said hi and the next thing i knew, he gave me 3 pink roses...i was really surprised, seriously didnt expect that, has been many years since anyone gave me a rose or a bouquet of roses ( i know it sounds pathetic but that is the truth)...for a good minute or two didnt say much...seriously surprised...then we started talking and i was feeling more comfortable etc, so i thanked him for the roses...it was a pleasent conversation, i didnt dread sitting there and am very glad about it...we talked until past midnight...when we realized that it was already valentine's day, he actually wished me and we continued talking for a while...and he left around 1230... i dont have any regrets meeting him, whether i will meet him again...i really dont know... but no regrets...

crush...

i have the biggest crush on someone, A, a guy from work. He is not that good looking but i find him very nice to talk to...yesterday i called him to ask about work and when he answered my call, he just said "hello darling"...i paused for a while...is this what people describe as "my heart skipped a beat"...i really dont know may be it is...well, excuse my ignorance but i have never said this to anyone and have only heard someone said this to me once...so it is understandable right...lol...as for the guy who said this phrase to me...well that will be another story for another time...lol...

me, rain, car and umbrella...

today, i was walking to my car for lunch...it started raining...it has been more than a month since it rained here...it was not very heavy but i was glad i could feel the raindrops on me, i stood there a 30 seconds or so, only then i realize my turqoise saree is actually getting wet...then i walked to my car, drove to the cafe where i usually take my lunch...took out my umbrella, got down from my car and tried opening my umbrella...guess wht happened...the umbrella actually 'terbalik'...it was still raining, i just laughed and continued walking in the rain and enjoyed it of course...i guess this is just God's way of telling me that I should enjoy the raindrops a while longer and that i m really lousy with opening umbrella as i am coming out of my car...

a walk in the clouds...

last saturday, my friend and i decided to go to taiping...something we planned for last chinese new year holiday...to go to taiping to see tulips...somehow it didnt materialize until last saturday...we reached maxwell hill around noon...it was so misty...it felt like i was walking in the clouds...such a wonderful feeling...then we walked up to the place where they have the tulips...it was so beautiful and has a very pleasent, lingering smell...i have never seen tulips in my life and always wanted to go to amsterdam to see them...meanwhile i thought of getting a glimpse of them in Taiping... we were really so excited and took so many photos of the tulips...definately more than the our photos...after maxwell hill, we went to the taiping zoo...i was kind of fun...we saw mr. and mrs. melman (giraffes), lions, elephants, zebras and all...it was nice...i am so happy we went for this trip, my friend and I had a pleasent day and enjoyed ourselves very much...

i cant help falling in love...

i have always loved this song...of course the one that elvis sang and also the one that UB40 sang...i always say that if a guy sings this song for me, i will marry him...well anyway, yesterday my friend called and guess what he sang the song to me...oh ya, i didnt fall flat for this guy...but i think this is one of the 'sweetest' thing anyone has done for me...thanks, for making me smile and making my day, week or may be even month...

allowing people in your lives...

i am writting this to my friend...i dont know if he will ever read this but i just have to say it. i dont know what exactly you are going through but from what you said i understand that your life is complicated... and you said anyone who wants to be with you must understand you fully otherwise she wont be able to be part of it. i agree with all that but the only way she will be able to understand you, is if you allow her into your life...i understand that at this moment you are not ready for that yet...but someday when you are, please open your life to others...you might not know how you might change others lives or vice versa. i understand that allowing people in our lives is hard and scary coz we dont know if he/she is going to brighten up our lives or break our hearts...but we will never know until we try... i guess i am not only saying this to you but also reminding myself about it while i am writting this...this is not an advice just two cents worth of my thoughts...

my email guy and his 1.45am call...

what can i say about him... i have no idea except that i like him and i understand the fact that he wants to go away from my life... of course i miss him but i know i have to move on...and guest what? i try...i really do...but everytime i sort of succeed in moving on, he comes again usually with one of the sweetest smses... for sometime he has been a puzzle in my life... why does he do this, if he wants to stop talking, why even bother sending me msgs every now and then...

then yesterday (or i should say this morning), he surprised me with a call at 1.45 am. we talked about many things and finally i asked him a long overdued question, why did he decide to stop talking to me...he didnt deny that, or give excuses for that but just told me could not honestly answer the question to me... i know he didnt give me an answer but somehow i felt better after that...at least i know it was not me. i always wondered if it was something i said or did that made him decide that...i donno how i will move on but like what my friend said this morning "dont worry we will manage to go through this too..."

wishes...

There is a fire burning inside us all the time. The conventional fire we burn will eventually die. The fire in you which bonds past, present and future will never die... (Ponggal 09)

There has been voyages around the world,vogayes to the depth of the ocean. Brace yourself for the voyage of your life. I have prepared your vessel, stocked it up with love to last you throughout 2009 and beyond, as you embark on this voyage, be brave as i will always look into the maintenace of your vessel. it is not a new year celebration but a celebration of life (1/1/09)

From the stillness of the universe looking down upon our home, wave upon wave of tropical clouds bringing lots of rain, cooling the hot city and lush dense jungles enjoy a warm late night shower. come out and play, i will seek you out from the droplets of water from the heavens.

An actor would want to choose the most difficult roles but in life we shy away from the mere challenges that is thrown at us in this vast stage of life, the compassion you have shown me will remain the greatest act of kindness.Thank you...22/11/08

something strange about the night, a certain stillness, a pair of eyes silently on the look out, looks like the devil is out to play...18/11/08

Between the clouds the moon shyly sheds its rays, clouds drift pass the night sky, if you happen to look up at this wonderful sight of the full moon, remember my eyes are also into the sky tonight...11/11/08

Gloom is the night, evil and ignorance its wings, fallen souls take their last breath. When all hope seem lost, a stomp of little feet vanquished all demonic actions. Till today the child's victory is celebrated, with the child in my soul and thoughts I wish you a blessed Deepavali.

addicted to love...

today i was watching oprah...of course another rerun...it was about addiction and the process of quitting smoking...suddenly it dawned to me...what i have is also another form of addiction...just that i m addicted to love...and when i say love, i dont mean sex...there is this constant need to get attention, a need to be needed, to be remembered, to be appreciated and this craving sometimes makes me upset...so today i decided like everyone else fighting their addiction, i shall also fight this...one of the important thing that everyone said is that, take one day at a time...guess i will get through this to...

people i have met...

sometimes we meet some people in our lives and we wonder why do we have to meet them...usually because this person would have affected our lives one way or another...i met a person like that early this year...this friendship/relationship (or whatever ship it is/was) didnt last that long...sort of ended in 6 months...but somehow this person has made a big impact in my life...and the funny thing is for once i know exactly why i had to meet him and his purpose in my life...

a child...

i was talking to a friend of mine recently...as usual we were talking about many things from politics to terrorism to everything under the sky. in the midst of the conversation she started talking about her nephew, a six year old boy. I have seen him, he is chubby and cute, well at least that is what i thought...then she told me what happened recently...this boy who is six years old was actually telling his mom that he wants to reduce eating rice so that he can fit into his favorite pants... i was really shocked to hear that...i thought we hear things like this from teenagers or adults but i never expected to hear this from a child...that got me thinking...i know the world is at the moment crazy about being thin, at least the world i live in...has it gone to the stage that it is affecting a child now??? where does this child get this idea, i can only think of a few things...his family, tv, friends...to me this is scary. i already think that the craze to be thin is bad. i understand that many people try to be thin for health reason which is ok but many even those who are thin fantasize about being almost 'anorexic', this is what i think is bad or dangerous...

13 yrs of my life...

i went to a 21st birthday party today...that got me thinking about how mine was...well there was no fireworks or even a party but i know i was in India with my whole family...meaning every single family member was under one roof...something which does not happen very often in my life...it was 8 days before my brother's wedding...

what was i thinking at the time? how i was at the time? well definately more hopeful thinking that my whole life was ahead of me...having all the normal dreams about love, family, work, education everything...

now 13 years after that...am just thinking am i the same person that i was then...well some things remained the same...i m still the dreamer i was at 21, or may 16 for that matter...what else happened in this 13 years...hmmm...many things some good and some not so good...well in random order...got my first car, got my phd, found a few wonderful friends, started working, maintained a wonderful relationship for 10 yrs before it ended, visited white hart lane, walked along thames river, seen the first olympic stadium, stood in the same place as gladiators. the only thing missing in my list is getting married and having children...things which people often remind me as my biggest failure...may be it is...but i am glad i have had this 13 years...Thank you God...

Interesting people...

Today I thought of writting about all the interesting people I have meet/seen... Well, most recently I had the opportunity to listen to former Indian President of India, Abdul Kalam. I thought that was cool coz I have heard so much about him and read his books and speeches, so a chance of seeing him in person and listening to his speeches was very exciting for me.

Last year I had the opportunity to listen to a speech by Mohammad Yunos, the noble peace prize winner...that was also awesome, coz hello it is not like i meet a noble prize winner everyday...and as he was delivering his speech i could imagine how many lives he must have touched with his idea about Grameen Bank.

an sms...

i like this sms which my friend sent sometime ago, so i decided to post it here... i hope he does not mind that i m posting it here...

Where does the breeze that cools and moves our soul come from?
Is it from a far away place or somewhere beyond the hills?
Can we make the soothing sensation last?
It hits us wave upon wave and is the first wave any different from the second?
Could there be a quest to find the origin of this heavenly breeze?
What would we find?
The breath of God?

...

good morning smses...

I have a friend who sends me some of the most wonderful 'good morning smses' that i decided to type it out and put it on my blog today...

Another day in our lives, like a leaf in the ocean we await what adventures are in store...Good morning...

The sun is shining bright, may it shed light to the far corners of your heart and soul...good morning...

Hustle and bustle of the day slowly picking up, another day of our lives, another day with you on my mind...good morning and have a blessed day...

Wake up to a bright sunny day, open your arms and feel the sun's energy radiate and sweep through all your soul...good morning...

Morning greetings to you...the dew drops has evaporated, the morning mist has cleared, its going to be a bring and sunny day...

Good morning..wake up to the sounds of chirping birds, touch the morning dew and get kissed by the morning sun...

crescent moon to half moon...

as i landed in Kuching, i looked up and i saw the crescent moon...i have always been in love with full moon but somehow at the time, the crescent moon looked just as amazing...then i remembered what my mom told me before i left, the crescent moon in the month of Aadi, is something to see...i guess she is right (like in most things)...the first three days i was busy at the conference, didnt have much time to do any sightseeing or look at the moon...then on friday i went to the cultural village of sarawak, the sight of mount santubong and the sea was more amazing than what i saw at the village. anyway, the melanau tall house did impress me though...in the evening i went shopping and bought some souvenirs for myself and my friends...

saturday...well that was something...i went to the Baku national park...it was amazing...we went jungle trekking for about 90 minutes (the truth is it was more like hiking) then we were at this cliff overlooking the sea...the sight was amazing... i would have walked a whole day to see that...so i guess the 90 minutes hike was really worth it (this is a big deal for a couch potato, i have to say). i could have spent hours just looking at the sea...it was beautiful...really really beautiful...the sun, breeze, sea, rock formation...everything that made me fall in love with sarawak...

there was a major power cut in kuching on saturday night...i was watching tv when this happened, so i decided to go out and sit my the river, just looking at the lights from the villages on the other side of the river...as i looked up...i saw the 'half moon'...my last evening in kuching...by the river with the moon and thousands of stars...need i say more...

the july that has been...

what can i say...this month has been a very tough month...so i guess it i appropriate that i m writting this post today, towards the end of the month...with the hope that august will be better for me...i often pride myself in being willing to try...i have tried many things...failed in many things...but i often dont give up easily, i can try very hard but that does not mean i take everything that comes my way easily. i often take things very hard on myself and really hate when things dont go as i plan...living this life and living on this planet, i cannot believe how i survived 34 years being a person like me...not sure if my ways are right or wrong somehow i survived so far...for the past four weeks, everything that i cant control has been against me...it feels like the WORLD is really going against me...what is the lesson that i am suppose to learn from this...is God teaching me to give up and let go and take things as they come...will i ever be able to do that...

older and not so wise...

people say that you get wiser as you grow old. i dont know about that. the more i think about this, the more puzzled i get...but recently i learnt this very important lesson...people can say all sorts of things...words which seem so sweet and nice but they might not even mean one per cent of it...that is how cheap words are actually...this lesson has come by my life many many times but somehow i guess i refused to accept it...for a person who falls in love with words so easily, this is a hard lesson to learn...a really hard lesson to learn...finally i did. now i am looking at people around me, who dont say that many nice things or make all sorts of promises but who do things for me, i try to look at people's action rather than what they say...i guess just like how some people can be blinded by looks, i can be blinded by words...one of my biggest flaw, i guess...i have learnt my lesson...thanks to the person who finally managed to make me understand...

the place i called home...

I stayed in a house for 25 yrs of my life before moving to the house I am staying right now...can you imagine, quarter century in one house...imagine how attached i would be to that house...today as i was driving pass the old place i realize that it has been transformed into an inn...my old house, an inn...interesting...as i was driving i was thinking who would want to come and stay in this inn...it is a small town, with nothing much to offer for tourist or visitor, it is a wonderful place to stay actually...anyway, the next thought was...i might be the only one who might want to stay there...just to sleep in my old room again and spend another night in a place i call my HOME...

i know why...

i have spent major part of my life trying to figure out why certain events happen in my life...mostly the ones i dont like or unexpected...sometimes i ask God why do u make me go through all these things and make me suffer...many times i have not found answers...but somehow recently God is giving me answers almost immediately...for example, some time back, my friend was talking about this girl who is getting married but giving herself six months to try it out. if it does not work out, she wants to walk out of it...when i first heard, i was very judgmental...how can anyone think like this...then later some events related to arranged marriage happened in my life...i could not believe myself coz i actually told my friend "since everyone wants me to get married, may be i should marry someone stay for 3 months and walk out of it..."..he he he...i realise this arrange marriage thing happened to teach me a lesson about not judging people too fast...everyone has a reason to do things, we might understand them or might never understand them...but may be that is the only choice they see at that particular time in their life...another lesson learnt...

a good cry...

i feel like i need a good cry...i really do...i m so frustrated today after hearing about some rules and regulation...why must things be so hard for me....why must everything be so hard for me...what did i that is so wrong...it really sounds like i m wallowing in self pity but i really dont know what to do or say...

3 friends...

i met two of my friends from secondary school yesterday...meeting them after 17 years and we are all 34 now..wow how cool was that...anyway we sat and chated for a few hours...after secondary school i went away to do my degree while my friends went to form six before they did their degrees...then of course they got married...my friend K, got married about 10 years ago and now lives in the US. she has two children. another friend, A, got married about two years ago and was about to migrate to where her husband was working and then somehow things happened and she is now separated from her husband and waiting for her divorce. then, of course there is me...my friends kept asking me what are my plans and when i want to get married and if it would be a love or an arranged marriage...i just laughed and said...i dont have any plans...i live a life without plans...sad isnt it...anyway, they were kind of surprised that i m still single and does not have any plans to get married...well, what can i say...life has taken me here...no idea where it is going to take me next...anyway, as i was driving back from my friends place, i could not help but wonder...we grew up in similar neighbourhoods, went to the same school, shared so many things in our lives until we were seventeen...yet look at home different how lives have turned out to be...imagine if i were to meet all my other classmates...imagine...

i am scared...

i am venturing into something new now and i am scared of what is going to happen... why am i always so scared of what is coming ahead...why do i feel that everyone seems to take things easier than i do... would everything work out for the best or will there be more problems... again why am i so scared...

athens and istanbul...firsts...

well, i wanted to write about this from last week...somehow i postponed it many times...I guess today is the right time...i went to Athens and Istanbul early this month. it was partly work and partly vacation...there was lots of firsts in my life during this trip...i took my first cruise to poros, aegina and hydra island in greece. the color of the sea water...what can i say... i could just spend hours looking at the 'aqua green' which happens to be the favourite color of someone i know.

then of course the journey by train from athens to istanbul. we took a four hour train from athens to tesalonikki and then about 12 hour train to istanbul. i really enjoyed this. first time i took a train that has berths and i saw one of the most amazing sunset from the train...

first time, i tried Greek and Turkish coffee and of course the famous Turkish tea (which by the way is like our Teh-O but a very 'pekat' version of our Teh-O).

it is also the first time i tried lots and lots of Turkish delights...the sweets...it was heavenly... felt so at home when i saw all the sweet stalls...

first time we tried raki and oozu...dont think i will try them again....

of course before i forget, it was also the first time i went into a Harem...never done that before...

the guy we called...

the guy we called email guy...what can i say about him...a lot actually, he stormed into my life early this year...captured my heart first through his writing...at the time when I almost forgot how exciting it can be to receive a mail from someone you like...then we started talking...what can I say... I enjoyed all the conversations...anyone who really knows me would understand how much I enjoy a 'decent conversation' and again, at the time when I almost forgot what that term used to mean...i had some of the most wonderful conversations with him...one of the most memorable conversation was the one we had at 3.45 am, at the end of which he decided to come and see me...when we met, I enjoyed his company...but if you are wondering why I am writing this now...well, it has been 5 months since I started writing to him and 3 months since we started talking...somehow, I realize that his 'visit' in my life will be soon over...do I feel sad, yes I guess as I really enjoyed talking to him...whether I understand why he is doing...I havent got a clue...but like what I was telling my friend...it was fun while it lasted...why it has to be for a short time...I have no idea but like what he once said to me... "I am glad you touched my life..." I wish I can tell him that the feeling is mutual...thank you for touching my life and making it a memorable one...

34 yrs and counting...

i expected that this birthday would be more exciting than the last...i have no idea why i thought that but i did...well it is not more exciting but it is nice to know that people still remember me and to some extend some people feel honoured to have the same birthday as mine...cool huh...may all my dreams come true...

roses...roses...roses...

If there is one reason I always enjoy my trips to Europe, it has to be the roses and the flowers...everytime I go there, I fall in love with the beauty and the color of roses...what can i say...

langkawi...sunset...

this is the how langkawi welcomed me...beautiful isnt it...

today is the day...

today is the day i give up...i always try very hard to maintain relationship or friendship or whatever ship they are called. but today i m really tired and i have decided to give up...there are not many things i have given up in my life...but this certainly is one of it...i admit it...i am so lousy at being a friend that i had to try so hard otherwise i guess people would not want to be with me...i admit it, for a person who always thought and take pride in being a good friend...today i realize i m really lousy at it...i guess i m so insignificant in anyone's life that it is so easy for anyone to throw me out of their lives...but why cant i ever feel that way...y is it i feel i want people to be in my life...may be i m just so insignificant...i know if i give up i will be all alone n miserable but i cant do this anymore...i will just chose to be miserable by myself...i give up...

rejection...

we have all been rejected in our lives...it can something like being rejected in a job interview or being rejected by someone we love...bottom line...it happens in life...but in my culture there is this thing called arranged marriage...which means that one's family or a total stranger introduces a total stranger to you and asks you if you want to marry him or her...well,my parents are of course trying to convince me to try this...but me being me...i just cannot bring myself to do it...mainly because i just dont believe it...and i dont believe in doing something i dont believe in...i know that does not make sense but anyway they want me to try it...so someone my dad knows thought of introducing guy A to me and it is common in arrange marriage to do a background check or ask someone who knows the prospective bride/groom about the person...so guy A did that...he asked person B what sort of person i am...apparently one of the things person B told guy A is that I am a person who do not put 'pottu' on my forehead...and because of that guy A was not interested...it is so funny, what people use to judge a person...people just dont care about the person, what sort of person she is etc...people are so fast to judge...i know this is a good thing but i was just thinking, i am a whole person and all people judge is about how i look or what i wear or dont wear...isnt that sad....

only in my workplace...

i dont know what to say about the people i work with...they are nice people but somehow they always come up with the most 'weirdest' comments about how i look...sometimes i dont even know if they are being sarcastic or complementing me...anyway this is how the list goes...
1. one day i was dressed in all white, and someone said i look like a rabbit.
2. one day i was wearing a dress which i have not worn for a long time and someone told me i look like a school girl.
3. today i was wearing a red punjabi suit and someone told me i look hot and another one said i look slim. the funny thing is, i have worn this suit many times...how come nobody noticed it all these time...
4.one day i was wearing a long black dress and people say i look sexy, i cannot figure out which part of the dress was sexy...

...and the list is endless....

our list...

last sunday i went out with my friend for coffee. as usual we ended up talking for hours about many things in our lives. some sad, some funny, some weird...well basically things we have talked about many many times in our friendship of eleven years....we were laughing a lot too...i dont know what were were thinking but we decided to do a list of ten good and 'not so good' things about us... and this is our lists (which we wrote on a tissue paper at the restaurant)...

Good things...
1.independent
2.vocal
3.highly opinionated
4.stubborn
5.non-judgemental
6.expressive
7.easy going
8.good listeners
9.caring
10. tak mengada ngada

not so good things...
1.think too much
2.emotional
3.gullible
4.dreamers
5.always think about others
6.always expect others to think like us
7.naive
8.not good at saying no
9.not good at letting go
10. live in the past, worry about the future...

my friend's paradise...

yesterday morning, the first message i got on my messenger was from my friend about this tree in campus...she said it looked so magnificient and beautiful and she said, "that is 'paradise' to me"...well, with such recommendation from my good friend, i cannot imagine missing my friend's paradise so i walked to the tree...indeed it is beautiful...may be that is paradise (i wouldnt know coz never been there)...anyway i took a picture of the tree but i dont think that pic does justice to what i saw...thanks, my friend for sharing your paradise with me...

my first election...

I know I am too old to vote for the first time, guess I should have done it many years back...but somehow everytime election was held, I was always away from my hometown. this year however, i voted...I dont know about other people but my first voting experience is something unforgetable...lol...what did i do??? well, I parked my car and walked into the pollings, there were many people asking me to check my polling station, polling stream etc but i refused and walked in like I have all the information with me...The truth is I did have all the information but my name was not in the list...Then, relunctantly, I went to the officer there and check...and that is when I realise I was in the wrong polling station...lol...I started laughing, of course that was embarrasing. I knew both polling stations, why I went here I have no idea but like what my friend said..."Only from you..." Well, lets look at the bright side, if I had gone to the right place, voted and came back, then I wont have anything to write, right...lol...

Tonight I watched the elections results as they came in. It was very different from all the other elections I have seen in my lifetime...I dont know how everyone feels about this...but the only thing is..."The tribe has spoken..."

i lost a friend...

i lost a friend yesterday...he was very young only 33 years old and he died of leukimia. the thing i really admired him is how gracefully he took all the pain and suffering and always seemed like he was at the top of the world...i sad a prayer for him today and hope that his soul will rest in peace...

misty...

today i woke up and looked at the hills outside my apartment...it was such a misty morning that i felt like i was floating in the clouds...i have seen mist before this but today was something so different...everything looked so mysterious and beautiful...is it just me or it is just such a beautiful morning...inspired by this i m wearing all white today...

falling in and out of love...

I was reading a book by Vairamuthu...in one of his poems he listed all the things he wants and one of it is...he wants to fail in love all the time...i was thinking of this line...if you ask me i would want to fall in love all the time...did he say that he want to fail in love all the time so that he can fall in love again??? i dont know that but i do know that falling in love is one of the most beautiful experience ever...

carling cup champions....

finally, spurs won the carling cup yesterday after 9 long years...wow...that was something...this season has been something after all...started badly but managed to win a silverware...well, is there anymore to come this season...lets wait and see...

vegetable...

this is really weird...for the first time i m going to write about a vegetable...and who might this be...it is Beet Root...i discovered today that this is the most overpowering vegetable that i have ever seen...i was cooking today and i decided to mix beet root and carrot in my cooking...guess what...i expected carrot to lose its color but it not only lost its color but also its taste...the dish tasted like any dish made from beet root...nobody would be able to guess that there was some carrot in it...lol...donno what to say...

i did something new today...

what did i do...i watched live cricket. it was a match between australia and nepal. i only watch it for a while but i will go again to watch the match between namibia and sri lanka. why am i so excited...well, i have never watched live cricket before plus it is an international tournament...so i guess that is like doing to new things...wonderful...

valentine's day...

what can i say about valentine's day...like the day but hate the commercialization... my day went ok today...i went out with a friend for dinner and we talked and laughed about anything and everything and shared events that are happening or happened in our lives...and we have been doing this for the past ten year...but guess what i m glad that she is around and we still share this...thanks friends...and happy valentines day to you...

i have a friend (2)...

what shall i say about this friend of mine...i was thinking of him this morning and he called...he was away for two weeks and he called me as soon as he arrived...that is kind of sweet right...anyway, there are many things i can say abt this friend but the one thing i will never forget is that he was there during a time which i considered the toughest in my life...i dreaded writing my PhD thesis so much and everyday i would try not to do it...but this friend of my would call me every morning and ask me to write a few lines...and that is how i finished writing my thesis...what else can i say...only that he is my friend...

love is...

well, i have spent many years of my life trying to complete this sentence...at each part of my life, the sentence always ended differently...at one point of time...love was a dream, at another point of time, love was life, at another time, love was sacrifice and the list is endless...well, if you ask me today...my answer is... Love is an oxymoron...

i have a friend...

i dont know why, this morning i thought of writing about a friend of mine...what shall i say about him...well he is a great guy, a wonderful friend...someone who has been there for me for many years...always very comforting and nice to me...even with all the 'stupidest' things i can come up with...he makes me realize that no matter whatever happens in ur life, no matter how great your life seems at the moment...dont ever forget your friends coz they are the ones who are going to lift you up when you fall...this friend of mine has done that for me...and somehow i know he will do it again...thanks my dear friend...

last year...

i have been feeling rather down this year...since January started...i dont know why...may coz i had a wonderful time last year...what did i do...well, I was at White Hart Lane...I saw the Collesium...I saw this amazing Laughing Buddha in Taiwan and I saw the most expensive saree in Chennai...that is something right...but why do i feel so down these days...what is wrong with me... i have no idea...but i know i will be ok in a few days time...hello 2008, here i come...i know it is a slow start but better now that never...

roses

i cant remember the last time someone gave me a rose or a bouqeout of roses. today i saw a guy giving a beautiful bouquet of roses to his friend or girlfriend i think. i actually felt sad, not that she is getting a bouquet of roses but just the thought that i dont have anyone who wants to give me roses. i know it sounds pathetic. but i cant deny how i feel. i almost started wishing that someone would think that i m special enough...but then i realise this feeling is not about the roses actually. it is just that i have been feeling lonely these few days. not sure how i m going to get rid of this feeling but at the moment it is in me...

taiwan...touch your heart

hi, today is my fifth day in taiwan. well being here without knowing mandarin is not that easy. however people r actually very nice. it is just that i cant communicate with them. they are eager to help me actually. well, i have noticed many things about this country. i visited Taipei 101 the other day. i took the taiwan high speed rail. well it was fast. i travelled about 300km in an hour and i guess the price was a bit expensive if you want to travel daily but given the distance and the speed i guess it was reasonable. it would have cost me more if i were to fly to taipei from taichung. I went to the Chiang Kai Shek Memorial Hall. His two cars were very impressive. Today I am going to another town near Taichung. It is suppose to be the old town. will get back from there and write about it...

WHITE HART LANE...

I guess of all the places that I have been too, this is the most memorable one...i have been supporting spurs since i was 17, so the thought of being at white hart lane was so exciting...when i got down at white hart lane train station, my heartbeat was going faster and faster and I was grinning all the way walking out of the station...i didnt know which direction to go, so i asked a guy at the bus stop there and he showed me the way and told me...u wont miss it...wow that was an amazing feeling...i was really excited... when i saw the stadium, i stood there just looking at it...took all the photos i wanted...something i will never forget in my life...

Barcelona...stole my heart...

Barcelona...a city that captured my heart...i have never really dreamed of going to Barcelona. I mean I have always thought of visiting many countries in Europe but never thought much of visiting Barcelona but somehow Barcelona stole my heart when I reached there. I stayed near Las Ramblas area. My hotel was like 2 minutes from Liceu metro station and it was near this area where there were so many florist...really beautiful...I was not sure how to get to my hotel, so I asked one florist who was standing there with one of the most beautiful bouquet I have ever seen. he was so sweet when he gave me the direction... i guess he stole my heart right way... then I went to the port area...wow...that was really nice...I had a chance to see the port from this tower that was near the port area. that was amazing...there were so many people there but somehow that didnt bother me. I really enjoyed spending time near the port. in fact i spent my my last evening in Europe at this area. I also took the cruise around Barcelona port where I met another very interesting and nice guy...had a wonderful conversation with him during the cruise...i also had the chance to visit Nou Camp...and took a photo there....

promises...promises

i know i have promised to write more often and obviously i didnt keep my word. anyway, i really thought that today i should write something about my trip to europe. well, the first city i visited was Rome. What was the first thing i noticed about Rome? well, the moment I was taking a train out of the airport.., the very first thing i noticed was the grafiti. grafiti, grafiti, grafiti everywhere. I have not travelled much but compared to the few places that I have been, Rome has the most grafitti.

generally, i enjoyed myself in Rome. the whole city was like a museum, there was so much to see and as I walking around Rome, I could almost imagine how it would have been during its glory...

after Rome i went to Vatican City...what can i say...it was amazing...every part of it was amazing...what can i say...my words would not do any justice to the 'greatness' of the place...

a rose is a rose...

i have been wanting to write about this for sometime...and finally today i m doing today.i took a bus from london to scotland. the driver was a very strict person and he repeatedly reminded everyone to wear their seat belt and warned them of many things. he seemed like a very serious person...it was a overnight bus and finally we arrived to our destination...guess what happened...he came up to my seat and gave me a rose...that was really sweet...

ten different flights...

10 different flights, 9 different airports, 8 different cities, 4 different countries, 2 different friends and one lonely traveller...well this is the summary of my trip to europe. i have so much to write about my trip to europe that I have decided to do it in batches...hope you enjoy reading it...

my car...my life...

i m rather upset today. I have been noticing that there is some problem with my car for the past one month...i have taken it to my mechanic twice but somehow everything that he did, didnt seem to be solving my problem. somehow this is really bothering me...as it is, i m always the only girl who shows up alone at my mechanic's place. mechanic, going to mechanic, discussing problems regarding cars are still dominated my men in my part of the world...i really hope something he does tomorrow will solve this problem...i really pray...

yesterday...celebrating life...

i had a fun time yesterday. i went for lunch and tea with my colleague and dinner with my brother and a very good friend. was a rather hectic day but i really enjoyed myself. not a bad way to celebrate my life...celebrating my birthday...

me...paranoid

i no it has been some time since i last wrote...many things have happened since and somehow i didnt feel like writing...today i thought i should write about what i m going through for the past two weeks...there is a problem that i m trying to solve but somehow i am not able to do it. it is so annoying and also so out of my control...i know that...but why does it bother me so much...why do i feel like i m very bad at handling things, why does everything related to this irritating me...i really wish i know the answer...i do hate what is happening...

reading...listening...

I went to temple yesterday. It is Kandha Sashti. After the usual pooja, everyone recited Kandha Sasthi Kavasam. I just sat there listening to everyone reciting. After that, they usually have the reading of Kandha Puranam. Before this I usually dont wait to listen to that. Yesterday, somehow, I was still there when they read Kandha Puranam. Not many people were listening to the priest who was reading it. Everyone was busy praying or taking prasadam. It has been a long time since I actually listened to something like that. When I was younger I used to really enjoy listening to people reading or listening to stories or play broadcast on the radio. I guess many people dont realize this, but I think it is a skill to concentrate and listen to something as people are reading it. A skill that I have almost forgotten I had. It realy made me think, are there any clubs here where they read stories or mahabaratam or whatever and I would be able to sit and just enjoy what is being read...I wouldnt mind joining a club like that...I wonder....

my life...

i had a very bad week last week. i had arguments with almost everyone who was close to me. sometimes i wonder what is wrong with me. according to one of my friend, i have too much expectation on everything and everyone. i tried my best to think objectively about this. I really donno if that is true...may be i do, may be i dont...but the only thing i realise is i dont want something like this to happen again. i dont want to argue and end up being upset and sad or feeling like leaving everyone and everything i know...

is that my life...

I met an old lady at the cafetaria yesterday. She sat at my table and asked me if I know any vacant room because she wants to rent a room. Well, I told her that I dont really know but in my mind I was wondering why is she looking for a room. Furthermore she is like 60+. So I asked her if the room is for her. She said yes and told me that she is alone and needs a place to stay. She told me that she is working in the university to support herself and needs a place that is near to the university. When she said that, I started wondering...is this a sign...is this how my life would be when I am 60+...all alone, staying alone, working to support myself...that made me a bit scared and sad actually...I continued eating...she continued eating...

Later she told me more about her life. Of course I do not know if what she said is true but this is what she told me. She has five children. All of them are married but none wants to take care of her or give her financial support so she has support herself...I felt sad for her but I realise something. Basically, there is not guarantee in anything. People often say that I should get married and have children otherwise I would end up alone...Well, when I really think about it, I would rather be alone and end up alone then be married and have children and still end up alone...life is a matter of how you make sense of it...

a weekend in singapore...

well, after many many years i went out of malaysia for the first time last weekend. how did i feel...well a bit of everything but mainly excited, I am going to see two friends who i have not seen for more than a year...wow that sounds like a long time. well, while i was there i went for the Cartier's exhibition and it was really wonderful...i was so amazed that i can hardly find words to describe the jewellery and watches displayed. I really enjoyed that... we also went to a resoirvoir, I cant remember the name of the place, but i kind of like that place. it was very cool n nice and while we were walking it started raining...he he he...the place was really nice when it was raining, kind of romantic actually...we ate at one restaurant in little india and went shopping and walking and talking... i guess what i enjoyed the most is the conversation i had with my friends, some long some short but they were good...

something magical...

sometime nine years ago, i spent an evening with my friend, we were going around the island. somehow both of us really enjoyed that ride. we always refered to the trip but somehow both of us never discussed how we felt that evening...nine years has passed and somehow last night we talked about the trip...and for the first time we talked about how we felt on that day...we never said a word, but we understood each other perfectly well...that was something magical...indeed...

Five worst comments...

Today, I was chatting with my friend and she suggested that I make a list of ... the worst things guys I know (I mean I just know them, they are not my friends) have said/comentted to me...well here are the five worst comments made by them...[The comments in the bracket are what I either told them or wanted to tell them...]

• If I marry you, I won't allow you to wear jeans... [Hello, marry you??? The last I check I live in a free country...]
• You look different today...you did facial??? [Of all the things]
• Other guys are going to look at your cleavage [what???]
• You are a jack of all trades but master of none... [and who is he, nuclear physicist???]
• I am wearing an engagement ring to prevent girls from falling all over me... [I didnt even ask about the ring to begin with...]

convo...convo...

finally, the day that i waited for so long came...my convocation...every convocation, i would wonder when is my turn...yesterday finally it arrived...i really enjoyed myself...it was everything like what i pictured. i really liked the saree i was wearing and felt very happy about it...

it has been a while...

it has been a while since i wrote something here...but today i have decided to write something down...well i was listening to news when i heard a little child describing how his mother and sister was hurt in a war...it is really sad that at this time and age and when we claim that we have become more 'civilized' a child on this planet is still witnessing this...that really makes me wonder...i really wonder...

a complete life...

many people believe that life is not complete if one is not married. i am saying this because many people actually tell me this including my parents. well may be they are right. I would not know becoz i am not married and most probably might not so i guess i will never know if that is going to 'complete' my life or not. but i believe one thing...everyone's life is complete. it is just a matter of perception. some ppl think that their life is not complete if they never see the seven wonders, other feel that it is not complete if one does not get married, other feel it is not complete...may be it is true to them but how about others...this morning, as i was driving across the bridge to come to campus, i notice how beautiful the reflection of the moon looks on the sea...it was really nice...i slowed down for a while to admire that. of course, many others were overtaking me and just passing this wonderful sight without even knowing it existed...well, i m not saying it is wrong to do that but then again, my life might just be complete coz i notice things like this...others' life might be complete with things i will never see or experience...i guess such differences and diversity is what makes life interersting...imagine how life would be if each and everyone of them have the exact same experience of things...boring right...what would we talk about...

beauty and brains...

I told my friend, Puteri once that "beauty and brains like us (refering to myself and her) are hard to find...". She really had a good laugh at the statement. Well, I laughed too. Anyway, last night i watched this reality program which had many many beautiful girls, mostly models...guess what some of them cant even spell simple words...i am joking really really simple words...so now my dear friend, I am really convinced that "beauty and brains like us are really hard to find."

good things...

it has been many days since i wrote anything here...not that i didnt want to write, it is just that i do not have a pc in my office at the moment...it needs to be reformated so i m going through a life without a pc for almost one week now... gosh...it is not easy. i have never thought i am that addicted to my pc or internet until this week...anyway, today i decided to write something nice... i want to list 5 good things about myself (since it is my birthday, i have to let the world know that it is good to have me around sharing this space, air etc)...he he he...well this is my point of view, it does not matter if the world disagrees with me...

• persistence

being persistent in anything that i want...i guess this is the one quality that i had that got me through my phd.

• laughter

well, many people have commented on my laughter. some like it, some dont. the truth is i do laugh easily. i laugh at many things, my weakness, my mistakes, my stupidity, the world's stupidity, my understanding of the world and even at things that i do not understand about the world. basically, i can laugh at anything and i am glad i m like this...

• listening

i am very proud about this actually. i always considered myself as a good listener. sometimes by listening to someone, i can make them feel better about themselves or their lives.

• not judgemental

generally i am not jugdemental but sometimes i do judge a person based on how they treat me but not on personal things like beliefs, sexual preferences, or the type of relationships they are involved in. i believe these are all very personal and people have their own reasons to be what they are which might be very different from my own reasons.

• independent

well, generally i am able to or try to do things by myself. but that does not mean i dont enjoy being with friends and family but am serious about something i will do it anyway, even if my friends and family are not able to join me...

definition of love...

love means different things to different people...to some it means caring, for some it means attention, for some it means sacrifice and the list goes on and on...i always pride myself as being someone who is not jugdemental...but even then, i find it hard to believe some of the things my friends have done in the name of love...particularly one person, who sacrificed or compromised many things to be with this person she loves...i was talking about this to another friend of mine...and she said well that is love...so i asked her again, "is that what you call love?" . my friend then told me that, " well, if that is how she defines love..."

ya i guess my friend is right. if that is how one defines love...who am i to disagree???

a good laugh...

i wanted to write about so many things last week but somehow never got the 'mood' to actually do it...anyway, last Monday I was sitting in my friend's car while she went to the bank. Her car was blocking another car...therefore when I saw that the owner of that car wanted to go out, I just jumped from the passenger seat to the driver's seat...the moment i did that, the look in his eyes...the seemed so amazed with what i did...his look is so hard to described but it amused me...i had a good laugh...

life is...

life is a game of football...last saturday, i watched many epl matches on epl...i saw chelsea defend their title and their celebration, i watched birmingham city relegated and also portsmouth surviving another year in epl...all this remind me about life...i no i no football is just a game, but if that is so, why did i see so many birmingham fans crying when they drew with newcastle...they also know it is just a football match???

do your duty....anyway...

this morning i saw this person sweeping the road. as he was sweeping dried leaves kept falling...he continued sweeping anyway... this is not the first time i observed something like this, everytime i see someone sweeping the road reminds me of Gita, whatever happens, do your duty ...anyway... whether you see any changes, whether you feel significant, whether you understand why you are doing something, if it is ur duty...do it anyway...does this make sense??? well many times, life does not...

beauty and pain...

i have heard many people say that sometimes if you want to look beautiful you have to bear some pain...never really thought much about this until today... i met two of my friends who straighten their hair recently. they were telling me how much it hurts. i really didnt know that straightening hair can be painful...not only that it took them like seven hours to complete the procedure...wow...

what a way to start my week...

this morning i was driving to work and got stuck in traffic jam for like one and half hour...sigh...sigh...i hate traffic jams...but guess what is the best thing that...well i became one of the most 'courteous' driver on the road...giving way to anyone who wants to cut in...after like 15 mins being stuck in the traffic, i realised that i m not getting anyway by cutting in and out of lanes so i was giving the way to everyone and amusing myself, looking at how far they could go or could not go..he he he...

passion

whenever i see someone who is really passionate about something...i always think how nice if i m so passionate about something...my professor told me yesterday that he is really into photography, an interest which started since he was a teenager some 50 years ago...the other day another friend told me that reading the history of her ethnic group makes her want to write like that in future, so that she can document the history of her ethnic group...this made me think about what i m passionate about...used to be very passionate about reading, songs and sports...i am still very passionate about songs actually but i wonder, will i still be just as passionate 30 years from now???

new year...new beginning

wow it has been a year since i started blogging...happy anniversary my dear...anyway i am very happy today...and of course it is new year today...so everyone...lets toast to a new beginning...lets have a wonderful year...life...

rainbow

it has been quite some time since i saw a rainbow...the last i saw was when i was moving into my new place...rainbow always makes me feel good...yesterday i saw a rainbow in my neighbourhood as i was driving back home...as soon as i reach my house, i called my mom to look at the rainbow with me...as long as i can remember, everytime we see a rainbow my mom will tell me a folk tale about rainbow...i guess to my mom i m still that little girl who always runs out to see a rainbow...

as we were looking at the rainbow, my neighbour joined us and told us that it is a good thing to see the rainbow...so all three of us were admiring this rainbow before it 'goes away', only to be joined by another neighbour...i donno what is the point of this story but it made me feel good...rainbow always makes my day....

all in a days work...

yesterday was a fun day...no great events but somehow it was fun...i was in office up to lunch time... then i went out for lunch with a friend, only to be irritated by this 'aunty', someone i know and who is excellent in irritating me every time she says something...yesterday after all the formal greeting and 'how are you' i just continued eating, ignoring her because i knew if i were to ask her anything she will say something really rude or irritating. Somehow in the midst of having lunch, she asked me if i have tissues, i said no. they she asked me again dont i carry tissue papers in my handbag. i just told her no...and guess what she had to say about that??? Such 'great' woman, very 'nice' in one of the most sarcastic tone i have ever heard. i was so close to scream at her for this comment...Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuh aunty...if caring a tissue makes me a women, then i would just be whatever i m now...not women...

a new dateline in my life...

today i decided to set a new dateline in my life...31 May 2014...looks nice...what is this dateline for? well, i have decided that by that date i want to do something different in my life...take some bolder steps in my life...at the moment, the fear of uncertainties is keeping me tied to something...i hope by that date, the uncertainties in life will not scare me as much as it does today...well, i know it wont go away so just hope that by then i will be more prepared to face them...here's to a wonderful life ahead...

LOVE...LoVe...love...

There is no love in the word 'love' but in our life together...at the moment I am in love with this song...donno why but I really like this line in that song...it is an irony for a person who falls in love with words so easily...but then again that is what love is all about...

the sun and the moon...

I was driving early in the morning on friday and I had a chance to witness this wonderful sight...As I was driving, I can still see the moon, round, white, almost transparent...and when I looked at the rear view mirror, I can see the sun rising, round, orange and almost the same size...the moon and the sun looked almost like a reflection of each other but in different color...it was such a spectacular sight...

how are we feeling today...

well lets see, there are days when one feels happy and days when one feels sad...of course there are also days when one feels like knocking some sense into everyone one meets... there are days when one feel so vulnerable...there are also days when one feel like running to the most remote part of the world and never see another human being ever...but all this is not important...because all these feelings are going to come and go...the most important thing is to realise that this too is going to pass and that tomorrow might actually be a better day...

events in life...

i used to think that there is nothing much happening in my life...nothing much to look forward to etc...but these days i realise something, there are so many things that happens around me which i can look forward, may be there arent any events in my life but there are so many happening around the world...i have just spent two weeks watching winter olympics, now i am waiting for commonwealth games and then world cup...i guess i m lucky coz i am a sports fan...there are always sports events all year round...kind of makes me feel glad...i know watching sports all the time does not serve any purpose...i dont gain anything from it...but what the heck i really do enjoy it...

stupid

I did something really stupid yesterday. i somehow forgot my friend's birthday. He didnt say much, he just said you forgot something...then i realized what i have done. i feel terrible, but i didnt know what to tell him. what can i say to make it up to him...i havent got a clue. he has been with me through all my sorrows and hurts...i just cant believe that i actually forgot. i really feel bad...i m sorry...

here's to not making the same mistake twice...

sometimes as you are going on with your life, you meet someone and u really begin to care for this person, u treat this person somewhat differently and you think that this person is very special... and you begin to believe that you are special to this person too...then years goes by...and the person tells you that s/he has never thought of you as special, just another friend...it is something hard to swallow...it hurts...but there is nothing much one can do about it...so you loved someone who didnt love you...it is not the end of the world...and guess what you are not the only one who has done that...so what shall you do...celebrate life...and a make a toast to "not making the same mistake twice..."

new dateline...

i have been wanting to write so many things these few days but somehow when i sit in front of my pc i just donno what to write. one of the most significant event in my life at this moment is that i have a new dateline...a date where my life might or might not change. lets see what life has to offer for me this time...

pigeon...

i has been quite some time since i posted anything here...today a few pigeons (five to be exact) motivated me to write something...as i was driving from home..basically dragging myself to campus, i saw five pigeons...bathing in a puddle of water...they looked so cute...and they made me smile...God, u never fail to amaze me with all the little things the world offers...hope today will be a great day...

thank you everton...

the best news i got last night was when i heard everton drew with chelsea...chelsea may be one of the best team in the world but guess what...spurs are still holding the record for winning 11 games in a row at the start of a season for like 45 years and we have to wait one more season to see if anyone breaks this record...

i saw a rainbow...i saw a rainbow

the other day, i was in a temple with my parents...after prayers we were about to leave when i looked up n i saw a rainbow...it was so beautiful, everything about it was beautiful, the time, the rainbow and how komtar looked right in the middle of the rainbow...i love rainbows...

thoughts...this morning...

As I was driving this morning, I saw some fascinating things...some made me smile while others made me think...

First of all, I was walking towards my car, I saw a father feeding his daughter...she was so busy playing and running around and the dad followed her and fed her while she was playing...i thought this was very sweet...i donno about the rest of the world but u dont see many father's feeding their child here...or may be I have not not seen this too often...

Then while I was driving, I saw this bird crossing the road and as my car came closer the bird walked faster and started flying...this made me wonder...what do animals see when they see cars... I mean when we cross the road we see a car, a lorry or a vehicle and we react to that...what do animals see??? do they see us like predators or danger or what...I wonder...

walking into one's life...

today i was talking to my friend...we talked about many many things...one of the things about the different people that walk into our lives everyday...we were having a good laugh talking about this...

"some people", my friend said "walk in slowly into our lives, learning little things about us, our lives, our likes, dislikes and eventually becomes part of our lives. Some are so irritating that before they walk in, we slam the door on their face and they never come into our lives at all. there is also a third category...they barge into our lives and create havoc until u either ask them to slow down or throw them out of our lives..."

I thought what my friend said made lots of sense...

having time and wasting it...

yesterday i was listening to my radio while driving...the dj gave some suggestion on how to use one's spare time correctly. he examples such as, if we r waiting for someone in the car, one should use the time well by cleaning the car etc...this way we r not wasting any time...and he was going on and on about how one should waste time just sitting doing nothing in the car etc... i have no problem if anyone wants to use their time well by clearing their car or doing whatever other work they have while waiting...but my question is what is wrong if i just sit there and do nothing or look at people or forget myself listening to favourite song...so what if i spend an hour just doing nothing and dream about everything beautiful that has or will/not happen in my live...what is the craze about saving time and using it wisely...my question is what is the point of saving time if u cant park your car and look at rainbow or leaves falling...then what is the point of l ife or living...

missing...

these few days i have been feeling like i am missing something...there is this feeling of emptiness in me which i cannot relate to anything or anyone...making me feel rather down...last night when i was in bed...i was thinking of this...then it dawned to me that the truth is i just miss being in love...i just miss being important to someone or being needed by someone, i miss the feeling when my tears, laughter, my frustration and my excitement everything meant something to another person...i miss the feeling that i no someone is with me through my journey of life and knows what i am going through...i know it is silly that at the age of 31 i still have this child like fantasies...but i cant help it...and i really miss that...

relationships...

someone asked me today if i have ever been in a relationship, so i asked him again, what difference does it make??? we was quiet for a while, then he said " it doesnt, i guess"...that made me really wonder...as it is i m clueless about relationship...generally i notice people differentiate between relationship and friendship... but are they really different (excluding physical intimacy) are these two really different... i really wonder...

barathi

i must confess i have not read much of barathi's work. i have only read some of his poems...but one thing i notice about his writtings is that he is very much ahead of his time...If I am not mistaken, he died around 80 years ago. he was definately very much ahead of his time...even today people are still not ready to accept some of his ideas...I really wish i can read his biography...but i guess that will have to wait for another day...

relationship...

I have always wondered, why are relationships so difficult...something I have yet to find answers to. However, there are some things about relationships that I have discovered or observed. First of all, relationship comes in all shape and sizes, there is no such thing as defining a relationship. What one considers as relationship might not be a relationship for others and vice versa. Yesterday, as I was watching 'Desperate Housewives' something just hit me...There are two very important variables in a relationship (plus all the other millions of other variables in the relationship). Those variables are the person you are involved with (ie whether that is the right person or not) and of course the quality of a relationship (good relationship or not)...When I say the right person, I am not implying a perfect person or a perfect match (I am too old to think that... :) ), I am just saying a reasonable person who is right for the individual and the same goes for relationship. Perfect relationship do not exists, at least not to me...

Having these two variables are enough to make relationship so complicated...One is lucky if he/she is having a right relationship with the right person, but i donno how often this happens...every other combinations will create problems, tension, etc... I have no idea what I am trying to say or write but somehow it made a lot of sense to me... lol...

top five things...

i have been wanting to write this for a few days now... well the other day while i was driving, my favourite song was played on the radio...the first sound of the song made me really smile and sort of made my day...after that i starting thinking of all the things that make me smile and i wanted to list out the top five things that can make me smile...well, here is the list...in random order...

• rainbow
• strong breeze
• songs...many many songs..
• letters
• and of course...food...my favourite ones of course...

passion...

today i was sitting in my office listening to all my favourite songs only to realise how much I have missed listening to these songs...as i was growing up songs were so much part of my life...not only they were my companion when i was reading or doing homework but in many ways many songs helped me go through my life...either by helping me understand what life is all about (at least that was what i thought at the time) or merely by making me fall in love with how wonderful some people can write or express themselves...i used to be so passionate about songs when i was a teenager...actually i used to be very passionate about many things when i was a teenager...songs, books, language, football, badminton...after many many years i have somehow manage to gain my passion back for football and somehow i feel i have not lost my passion for songs and words...but the others have faded away...i donno y...have i lost interest in them or am i plain lazy to read books or improve my language...i really wonder...

hi again...

it seems ages since i wrote anything in my blog. today i feel so free yet so lost...will it be ok this time round...i know only time can tell...somehow i feel like i have lost the passion for writting at the moment...